Skip to content
Search AI Powered

Latest Stories

Guy's Family Collectively Freaks Out After He Accidentally Leaves A Massive Sex Toy In The Shower

Guy's Family Collectively Freaks Out After He Accidentally Leaves A Massive Sex Toy In The Shower
Pongsak Tawansaeng / EyeEm / Getty Images

Pandemics are no fun. Aside from the obvious terror, we're all feeling a little bit cooped up and cabin-feverish. We're maybe kind of tired of the people we're isolating with. We could probably afford to blow off some steam.

That can be particularly difficult for the recently-single person locked up with their family who needs some private stress relief time, but just can't seem to find it. Yeah, you see where this is going and yes, it's about to get as awkward as you think.


Get out the popcorn.

Giphy

First let's just put it out there that the prostate is a key part of male sexual arousal and stimulating it directly is something many men find enjoyable if they get around to trying it.

It's not for everyone, but we are absolutely not going to judge it and we're not here to question anyone's sexuality or get weirdly homophobic in the comments, are we? I believe in you people. You can do it.

So our hero -- a young man who lives with his parents while he's finishing up school -- has found himself having just about the worst time you can have in this here pandemic without actually being sick. In short, he left a dildo stuck to the shower wall after playing with it and it caused a whole scene with his mother, father, and much younger brother.

He shared his cringeworthy cautionary tale on the sub-Reddit 'Today I F*cked Up' (TIFU) so that his utter soul-shriveling humiliation might be a little nugget of joy upon your day.

We thank him for his sacrifice cause woooooooooooh this one is a secondhand embarrassment buffet.

OK ... here we go. You ready, fam?

"So I'm a guy, and I live with my parents because rent around here is three grand a month and I'm going to school right now. Up until recently, I was almost never home because I was at work, school, or my girlfriend's. But we broke up a few months ago, (perfect timing, right?) and now with the pandemic and being single, I'm shut up at home with my parents and brother all day. Joy."
"So my girlfriend and I were pretty down to try new things, and we liked using toys on each other. One thing we really enjoyed was her using a strap-on on me. Don't knock it 'till you've tried it, guys. The prostate is magic. I'm hetero, but now I know why you rarely hear a gay guy exclaiming: 'Damn, where can I find a bottom around here? Everywhere I look, nothing but tops!'"
"Anyway, don't underestimate how hot an enthusiastic girl with a strap-on is. (BTW, we had great sex, the breakup had nothing to do with bedroom stuff)."

Alright, so far so good. We have an inconvenient, though financially prudent, living situation. We have a healthy, open-minded, mature, exploratory sex life. The breakup and the pandemic both suck, but there's not really much to be done about either.

Let's keep going.

"Well, I was lonely and reminiscing about old times and I remembered that I still had one dildo we'd bought. Ever hear about "eyes too big for your stomach"? Yeah. It looked a lot smaller in the photo. At least 8 inches, and thick. We rarely used it. But you know what? With perseverance and a strong woman behind you, huzzah, you can do amazing things!"

Huzzah indeed.

Giphy

Continue good sir...

"So I decided to have some "me time" in the shower, remembering the good ol' days. It's the perfect place because everything's easy to clean. So I do my thing, just like old times, big O, come out all relaxed, and go to sleep."

Ready for it?

Giphy

"Next thing I know, I'm being yelled awake. My dad is going on about "What were you doing!? Actually, I don't want to know!" Guess what I left stuck to the wall in the shower like the world's biggest, angriest light switch?"
"Yeah."

Nooooooooooooo!

Giphy

"To make things worse, he's not the only one who saw it. See, my much younger brother found it first, didn't know what it was, woke my mom up to show her, and then my dad came to find out what the commotion was about."
"Oops. This isn't "Oh we found this under the bed, but you probably bought this for your girlfriend, right?" Zero plausible deniability. The whole family knows I like baguette-sized dongs up the keister."

My guy. Good lord. Fatal levels of humiliation. Where do we send a funeral wreath? RIP, homie.

The secondhand embarrassment is oh so real. We weren't even there and we want to crawl in a hole. But my parents are both ministers, so maybe the humiliation over my parents knowing details of my sex life is a conservative upbringing thing?

Reddit might have a different reaction.

Nope. The cringe/laugh combo was about it.

"Haha sorry, that was funny. Loved your dad's reaction. I think the worst thing about this is you're quarantined with them/live there, and you cant just leave. And anytime you're in the shower, they're probably gonna think it's dildo time." - hyphylife
"Yaaaasss! Lmfao! Omg! I love the way you tell your story, I mean it sounds horrific. But...the way you word it. Lol! You have a good sense of humor about the whole thing. That's awesome!" - brokenpromisesbabe
"Omg, RIP man.
I have one like that. My teens found it hidden in a box in my closet when they were looking for old family photos. They "confronted" my by busting into the room where I was, sticking the dildo to the door, and yelling, "Mommmm, what is thissss???" A**holes. 😂😂😂
As bad as that was, I feel like having my parents find it would have been worse." - karaokoki
"Wow I can't even reassure you, that is TERRIBLE… I'm 24 F and if I lived at home and left anything like that in the shower, I'd have no choice but to lock myself in the room for the rest of my life" - koala-balla

So ... how's isolation going for you?

More from Trending

Jesse Watters
Fox News

Jesse Watters Dragged After Adding Another Mind-Boggling Rule For 'Real Men'

Fox News host Jesse Watters, who is apparently an authority of what it means to be a manly man, gave jazz hands to make a point about how "real men" should or shouldn't wave.

The target of his ridicule was Tim Walz, the enthusiastic Democratic Minnesota governor and vice presidential candidate who often greets the public by raising both hands in the air to wave.

Keep ReadingShow less
Screenshots of crowd at town hall and Rep. Mike Flood
@MorePerfectUS/X; KETV NewsWatch 7

GOP Rep. Goes Viral For His Response To Crowd Chanting 'Tax The Rich' At Town Hall

Nebraska Republican Representative Mike Flood was criticized following his incredulous response to a crowd that chanted "Tax the rich!" during a town hall meeting.

The Columbus High School auditorium hosted the town hall on Tuesday evening, drawing "nearly 380" attendees, according to local network KETV Omaha. The event was lively, with Flood facing both sharp criticism over Trump administration policies and some appreciation for showing up in person.

Keep ReadingShow less
Elon Musk
Andrew Harnik/Getty Images

Awkward Typo In Elon Musk's Bizarre 'Education Department' Trump Meme Is A Total Self-Own

Billionaire Elon Musk was widely mocked after he celebrated President Donald Trump's executive order to begin to dismantle the Department of Education (DOE) by posting a meme of Trump at the department's grave, only for an awkward misspelling to get all the attention.

Polling indicates that eliminating the Education Department is largely unpopular, with 60% of registered voters opposing the move, according to a Quinnipiac University survey conducted March 6-10. Support stands at 33%, with opposition particularly strong among Democrats—98% oppose it, while just 1% support it.

Keep ReadingShow less
JB Pritzker; Donald Trump
Jacek Boczarski/Anadolu via Getty Images; Anna Moneymaker/Getty Images

Dem Governor Reveals Trump's Bonkers Demand In Exchange For Equipment During COVID

Illinois Democratic Governor J.B. Pritzker revealed during a speech this week that he clashed with President Donald Trump during the first Trump administration after Trump promised necessary medical equipment during the COVID pandemic on the condition that Pritzker praise him publicly.

Five years ago, the United States was grappling with the initial impacts of the COVID-19 pandemic. The country had entered shutdowns that had severe economic consequences, leaving businesses and industries on the brink of collapse.

Keep ReadingShow less
Scrabble tiles spelling the word scam
Scam spelled with scrabbles on a wooden table

People Break Down How They Realized An Entire Industry Was A Total Scam

We unfortunately live in a world where scams are on the rise.

Thankfully, some of them are pretty easy to detect, such as an automated call from the IRS telling you a warrant is out for your arrest, or an email claiming to be from Amazon or the USPS asking for your credit card information, only to look closer and see the email address is a yahoo account.

Keep ReadingShow less