Love is hard work. The fairytales in film, tv, literature and music have been lying to us. There is no happily ever after. After the credits roll life happens and then the love story gets real. I'm being bitter and macabre. Love is also a very beautiful thing. But love is also deeply fragile and it doesn't take much to tarnish and destroy it.
We try to do the best we can but there is a lot more to be aware of. Love tends to be gone before we realize we could've saved it. So listen and maybe you'll save your fairytale.
Redditoru/EntrepreneurAlone118wanted to discuss all the ways love can sour quickly or slowly, by asking:
What is 1 thing that absolutely kills relationship?
I'm an extremely picky person. Which means I'm a huge pain in the back side. Literally any little thing can change my feelings for a person, even a strong wind. I'm trying to be better.
One Sided
Whatever Shrug GIF by MOODMANGiphy"Lack of investment. When one of the parties won't do anything to help or grow the relationship it will end when the other person becomes exhausted and disillusioned."
no going back...
"Contempt. Relationships can come back from anger, because you can't be really angry at someone you don't care about, and trust that is damaged can be rebuilt, but there's no path from contempt to healthy."
"This is the best answer... I was stuck in a controlling, abusive relationship... But the first time I felt contempt for him... It was over. There was no going back. Took a couple months to arrange a safe way to leave, but I was just counting down the days at that point."
Who Cares?
"Just general apathy. When I no longer got annoyed with my ex because I just didn't care, we didn't argue, I really didn't want to be there any more, I knew it was over. What they say about hate not being the opposite of love is true. It's indifference."
"This is true. Once I lost respect for my ex, I knew there was no looking back and didn't even give a crap."
RUN!
Serial Killer Halloween GIF by GIPHY CAMGiphy"Murder."
"Lol that was the first thing I thought of."
- userdeleted
Yeah murder changes everything. I'll stand by you for a lot, but if we end up a Netflix documentary, I'm going to be so peeved. And if I give up, it's beyond done.
Normalize Mental Health GIF by mtvMoney Blues
"Financial issues. Not just financial pressure but also having a large gap between what you make/contribute and what your partner makes/contributes. Over time this can cause animosity if you're not both clear with each other about the expectation and long term plan/goals."
The Heft of Life
"Stress. The amount of failed relationships due to people unable to handle the stress of trying to provide in an economy where majority are unable to actually provide is crazy. Nothing is more debilitating than working hard and not making ends meet."
Who are you?
"People change. There comes a point in some relationships when a person is no longer the same person that you fell in love with. I mean, in a sense they ARE literally the same person and that is what makes it so difficult. You begin to live in the past, in love with someone who no longer exists."
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A Loan...
"My partner and I were great until we started looking at apartments. He makes a lot of money but it all gets invested back into his profession- I was too understanding. I took all the financial risks- I put down the deposit on both apartments that we looked at, and I loaned him $2,000 for his portion of the initial payment for an apartment."
"3 days before we were supposed to move in he let me know he wouldn't be able to have the money we needed to pay rent- we had to break the lease and I lost the entire deposit. It's been a year and he hasn't paid me back a cent. We were perfect before. Now I'm bitter, angry, considering leaving quite often and I feel betrayed. I don't think he even realizes."
Hard Labor
Happy I Love You GIF by Minnie MouseGiphy"Thinking love is enough. It's not. Relationships need a lot of work. They can end, even though people love each other, if not enough work is put into."
They Gone
"Talking about their ex. If you cant let go of the past then we have no future. There are suppose to be two of us in this relationship - not three... you, me and your ex."
"There is a difference between not letting go of the past, and having a past. I don't try to avoid mentioning my exes. They happened, and that's fine. So did my wife's exes."
Working Hard
"I hate the phrase "relationships needs work". My ex used it a lot , but the truth is we should have ended things a long time before. The relationship was straining and it took more than gave back. In my current relationship I do a lot of work, but I want to do it and I like doing it. So it doesn't feel like work."
- Ellubori
Drugs
"Meth."
"Yeah, that'll definitely do it. When I was in high school my best friend started to complain that her boyfriend had suddenly changed snd was really rude and abusive. I suggested the possibility of drugs. She claimed he was too poor to buy drugs. It ended up being drugs. And then a couple years later the same thing happened to her. She's fine now, but I had to remove her from my life until she wasn't on a indefinite banger anymore."
Move Away
scared home alone GIFGiphy"Incompatible sleeping position killed my last relationship. I prefer to sleep on my back. She preferred to sleep with her ex-boyfriend."
ball of hate...
"Selfishness. When the relationship revolves only to a single person, and not between both people, just get out of there. You'd only grow into a ball of hate."
a stamp for life...
"Cheating."
"This is the only correct answer imo. While other answers here do make sense, cheating is a stamp for life. How anyone can forgive a cheating partner is beyond me."
"Interesting comment, I've never felt that cheating is such a bad thing. I'm more upset about the lying and the why part of cheating than the sex with others."
- wcdi_30
Rude and Lazy
"Not having trust in someone even when they believe you're lying when you're telling them the truth... also maybe like household chores or being rude to everyone all the time."
"Chores seems to be a huge point of conflict for many of my friends in long-term relationships."
You gotta indulge...
"An unbalance. You gotta indulge in your partner's wants as frequently as they indulge in yours. Can't make your partner hike with you whenever you want but couldn't be bothered to watch a movie they like at the theatre. And for God sakes no double standards, if you don't want them doing something, don't do it either."
Talk About X
"Lack or absence of overall communication. You will :
- drift apart
- grow apart
- stop understanding each other
- small untold issues, once you are conscious of them become huge issues."
"My wife and I made this one number our priority. We will communicate. Whenever something seems / feels / is wrong, we talk openly about it (I said talk, not argue) and we always solve the issue. This has allowed us to go on for 4 years while never shouting at each other. There are other reasons but whenever I hear that a couple "does not talk about x issue cause maybe it will change on the future", I know it won t and I know it may not last long."
Basic Deceny
"Unhealthy communication. I grew up with a family that loves to pull things out of the closet when they're backed into a proverbial corner in an argument. I really hate that behavior. If me and my fiancé have a fight and resolve it. I will not bring up the mistakes again to gain footing. I also do not believe in belittling my partner when I'm angry. Too many people are just 'ok' with insulting one another when they're mad. I won't stay with someone who cannot maintain basic decency when things get tough."
You Know
"For me its the "you should know what you did" sentiment. No forget that its childish highshcooler bull I'm not a mind reader bit if you. But tell me whats bothering you and I'm always willing to talk and work it out. Plus with my ADHD I can't remember breakfast most days and certainly not Something you thought i said wrong 5 days ago."
Rivals
30 Rock GIFGiphy"Her friends and family thinking she can do better combined with male rivals hanging around she won't get rid of despite their obvious interest."
So what have we learned thus far? Love is rough. So you have to take care of it. Are you capable?
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