In my college years many, many moons ago, I was proposed to four times by four different men.
Two I said no to because they asked me for the wrong reasons. They were trust fund kids from good families—one had his family name on a couple buildings on campus—and I was a full financial aid/academic scholarship Indigenous American student.
Their proposals were to shock or get revenge or lash out at their parents. I didn't expect either to ever make it near an altar with me. Both married—and divorced—women from their own socioeconomic circle.
One was a "if we're both single when we turn 40" proposal from my best friend when we were still in high school. That was a mutual decision in our 30s that we were too like siblings to ever dream of marrying each other.
The last I seriously considered saying yes. But our lives were headed in different directions and I didn't think either of us should abandon our chosen path for the sake of a marriage.
If I had grown up with the bridal or marriage fantasy, I might have said yes to one of them. But marriage wasn't ever a goal or dream for me—it's probably because of my autism—and I knew I never wanted children.
I've been fine to remain unmarried. None of the romantic relationships ended with outright animosity, but I never really heard how the men felt about my declining their proposals.
They never offered the information and I never asked. Seemed a bit like rubbing salt in the wound to quiz them about their feelings after saying no.
Reddit user TheBamtotheFoozle asked:
"Guys who got told 'No' during a failed marriage proposal, what happened afterwards?"
Too Soon
"My mom's boyfriend proposed to her three months into dating."
"She was 40, had one disastrous marriage and subsequent divorce under her belt by that time, and felt like it was too soon in the relationship to be talking marriage."
"He accepted her 'No', but said he wouldn't ask again, and he hasn't. They've been together 25+ years now and never married."
~ ColdFIREBaker
Too Cool For School
"My 7th grade teacher brought his girlfriend to school to propose to her in front of our entire class and she said 'no'."
"It was the topic of discussion almost every day that year."
"No big surprise, he ended up moving to a different school at the end of the year."
~ No_Witness_1234
On The Jumbotron
"Not my story, but told from our jeweler when we were buying our wedding bands…"
So a guy comes in to buy an engagement ring. The jeweler sits down with him to talk about design, cost, and what have you."
"Our jeweler always asks people about how they are going to propose. She likes to share in the excitement."
"The guy brags about how he is going to propose to his girlfriend at a ball game. On the big screen in front of the entire stadium while his favorite team plays."
"As the guy is speaking, our jeweler notices that everything is centered around the guy. From the ring, to the proposal. No mention of what his girlfriend likes."
"Our jeweler gets a bad feeling, but she sells him the ring."
"Not long after the guy comes back in with the ring. The girlfriend said no which really didn’t surprise the jeweler."
~ Loud_Account_3469
Marry Her Dad Instead
"I had a foreign student at my university who I’d only spoken to on the phone a few times and whom I’d never met call my father on Christmas morning of my Freshman year."
"He asked my dad for my hand in marriage. They talked for ages and my stupid father said yes!"
"He was so out of touch with my life, he assumed the guy was my boyfriend. My dad thought I’d be thrilled, the idiot."
I was fuming, but my grandmother and mother laughed so hard they nearly wet themselves, and that lightened me up."
"My grandmother said she hoped she could embroider my wedding sari. My dad remained clueless."
"I think he told my dad he was filthy rich, which was true. He was a spoiled brat."
~ AnitaIvanaMartini
Here's Al With The Weather...
"This happened live on The Today Show many years ago during the segment where the anchors/hosts chit-chatted with people outside on the plaza."
"Guy proposed, girl said no. If I remember correctly, she said they had been dating only two weeks."
"It was extremely awkward for poor Al Roker."
~ BSB8728
Let's Wait Awhile
"She told me, 'No, but wait awhile and ask again and I think it will be yes'."
"So I did. We're still married."
~ ProfessorLake
Bypass Blocked
"My mom gave her permission to marry me to an ex of mine. Whose proposal I had rejected and was considering getting a restraining order against."
"After I told him that he scared me and he needed to stay away or I’d call the cops and get the courts involved, he went to my mom's house and had a long chat with her about how much he loved me and we were meant to be together."
"My mom gave him her blessing…also an idiot."
~ camichus
She Said "Yes", But...
"I used to date a guy who was in a band that had a bit of a cult following. The same people would see each other in the audience over and over at different shows."
"They agreed to never let someone propose from stage again after an incident where a dude proposed on stage and she said yes."
"But everyone could tell it was a 'no'. He showed up at a show a few months later single."
"They said it was a big vibe killer for the show."
~ Sure_Tree_5042
"Oh God, I'm a scene kid and have run around with bands for 20 years now. I have made it clear that I NEVER want to be pulled onstage at a show and proposed to."
"Every one I've seen has been awkward. There was a real bad one at a Bouncing Souls show—the girl said yes but she looked so unhappy and terrified."
"I remember hearing some guys talking about why they'd propose to a girl onstage because 'she'd HAVE to say yes!'."
"And that's so manipulative and controlling it makes me want to barf. Don't do this."
~ those_ribbon_things
...She Wanted To Say "No"
"I can tell you what happens when you propose, but she isn't feeling it. She says yes anyway because of social pressure."
"A very awkward sad time until you finally have the talk you should have had before proposing."
~ therealjohnsmith
"Ugh, facts."
"My ex proposed to me at Christmas in front of his entire family 2 hours away from my home with no way for me to leave."
"I was only 18."
~ ThrowRAsleeplessmama
Abra Ca Denial! 🪄
"I was vacationing in Las Vegas back in 2006. We took in a show a day on the trip. The day after Christmas we saw a magic show."
"About halfway through the performance, the magician had a young woman from the audience come up and assist with some trick. He did the usual meet and greet with her—she was on a vacation with her boyfriend’s family and blah, blah, blah."
"The magician does his thing and then suddenly the boyfriend appears out of some box that was deceptively empty just a second ago. The boyfriend goes down on his knee, out comes the ring, and he goes into his declarations of love and affection and rehashes the last few years."
"It was a sweet proposal."
"She smiles and clasps her hands in front of her face and says... absolutely nothing. We in the audience are all silent and waiting to cheer and applaud, but waiting for her to say yes."
"It seemed like an eternity, but then the magician burst out with applause. He quickly guided the happy couple off the stage and announced 'She said yes!'."
"So we all cheered for the happy couple. What else was he going to do?"
"They had great seats at a table center stage and down in the front. Where we could see the 'happy couple' and his family."
"When they came back out, the poor girl sat by herself and the dude huddled with his parents on the other side. I don’t think they talked at all the rest of the show."
~ eltguy
Bottoms Up 🍹
"I was in the restaurant when a failed proposal happened. Somehow the guy was able to get the families involved in this fancy dinner without the girl’s knowledge as to what was going to happen."
"He orders their drinks, where he had the ring cleaned and then placed at the bottom of her pina colada drink. She gets up and goes to the bathroom and that’s when some of her family moved in close with their cameras/phones ready for the proposal."
"She comes back and the drinks are brought. She refuses the drink, much to his dismay. But doesn’t get the hint. She DOESN’T WANT IT."
"'You should have your drink, it’s really good'. She again says NO. This goes on, back and forth. Finally she says no and is disturbed by his pushy behavior."
"I hear this from my table, 'I can’t marry someone who won’t respect my boundaries'. She gets up and walks out of the restaurant. The guy sits there waiting for her to 'cool' off."
"She doesn’t come back in. So he fishes out the ring and has the drinks taken away. She comes back in near the end and he shows her the ring and tells her it was in the drink."
"And she slaps him and says no. This time she is angry and leaves. Everyone packs up and heads to pay."
"He just sits there by himself. I wanted to get up and say something, but my date was ready to go home."
~ IamPlantHead
Yes, No, Yes
"I said yes, but then the next day gave the ring back because I got cold feet. Then I realized I was wrong to give it back and thankfully he gave it back to me a week later."
"This was 43 years ago and we’re still going strong."
~ Internal-Yoghurt-895
Let's Wait A Long While
"Proposed to her at 22. She said no."
"We stayed friendly while life took us on different paths. About twenty five years later, we got married."
"I think we both needed to grow a bit. Our experiences independently gave us time to be more grounded in our expectations for a committed relationship."
~ elektroloko
Delayed Reaction
"There was this girls camp I went to for a few years as a kid. Every year on the last morning, campers could go on a hike that started at 2am and we would be at the top of the mountain for sunrise."
"One year, a counselor's boyfriend showed up at sunrise and proposed in front of all of us 12/13 year old girls. She said yes, we were all happy."
"The next year, that same counselor was there. It was unusual for the counselors to be married, so I asked another one if she’d gotten married."
"She told me that she actually called off the engagement later that same day he proposed. She just didn’t want to embarrass the guy in front of a bunch of preteens."
~ Timely_Cheesecake_97
Say what?
"I realized ten seconds later that she actually said, 'You know I will,' and she's just really quiet when she talks."
~ Stratafyre
Have you ever witnessed or experienced a rejected proposal?
Harris For President
