Some years ago, I was hiking with my best friend on a small mountain in northern Maine.
It's important to note that he's over 6' tall with long legs and I'm about 5'2 with a 28 inch inseam—so very much not long legs.
We—foolishly—decided to climb the rock face instead of taking the woods trail leading to the top of the mountain. My friend is walking up like the rocks are stairs while I'm crawling up behind him.
A big step up for him was hip level for me. So I had to either get my knee up or crawl up on my belly to get to each next level.
After we got halfway up, I told him:
"You know how we watch the rescues on 9-1-1"—a popular TV show at the time that reenacted actual emergency calls—"and wonder how people get in the ridiculous situations they do? This. This is how they end up in those situations. I'm going to break my fool neck and have to be rescued."
I didn't break anything, but my friend decided he should go up behind me after that.
Humans do a lot of things that might get us killed. Some activities are legitimately dangerous while others are seemingly innocuous until things go sideways.
Reddit user chi-bacon-bits asked:
"What’s something that ALMOST got you killed?"
The Sky Is Falling
"The ceiling in my bedroom collapsed while I was sleeping due to water damage."
"Luckily I had rearranged the furniture in my room a few months before and my bed was under the only part of the ceiling that didn't collapse."
"I was 12 at the time."
~ Mint_Blue_Jay
New Fear Unlocked
"Dude same with the collapsing ceiling. Mine included a bathtub!"
"I was 14, and using the downstairs bathroom when the entire floor of the upstairs bathroom collapsed down directly on top of me. Luckily, the toilet I was on was squarely underneath the upstairs bathtub."
"The bathtub was still attached to the wall upstairs on one side, but otherwise was entirely free floating. It's the only thing that didn't fall."
"When the contractor came to fix the bathrooms, my Dad asked how in the world the bathtub hadn't fallen down and crushed me. Apparently the contractor looked up at the underside of the bathtub, shrugged and just said, 'Habit?'."
~ meadowlark227
Parental Love
"My own stupidity almost killed me."
My family and I were on a little trip to Gatlinburg, Tennessee, driving around the forest area, admiring the whitewaters. After a moment, my dad pulled over at a spot where there was just a little bit of road with just enough room to walk along the edge."
"My mom and dad got out with their phones. They told me if I got out on my side I would fall, so I took that as a challenge of course."
"I was on the side where, if I opened the door and stepped out, I would have plummeted into rocks, sticks, and a sh*t ton of old trash, PLUS fall into a strong current below."
"But, being a stupid pubescent 13-year-old, I decided to test my luck. Same second I stepped out I cartoonishly plummeted."
"I managed to grab onto a strong root with my right hand and dug my nails into the dirt with the other, desperately trying to hold on. My dad noticed instantly and bolted over to my dumba** and angrily gripped my wrist lifting me up like a crazed gorilla."
"What was insane was that he was at least four feet away, but he reached me in like half a second. The most impressive part is, at the time my dad was morbidly obese, yet he moved faster than I had ever seen a human move."
"He saved my life that day."
~ Geckland
There Are No Minor Infections
"Had a small infected sore on my foot. Got progressively worse over a long weekend.
"Got home on a holiday Monday and developed a high fever—freezing cold on a 90 degree day. Wanted to sleep it off, but my wife forced me to the emergency room."
"Cellulitis. Turned into a gigantic memory foam leg. IV therapy for a week. Exact same thing happened two years later."
~ therealgrelber
Close Call
"An A&W root beer float almost took out my whole family."
"My dad saw the restaurant, said 'Ooo... root beer float' and then crossed the empty at the time oncoming traffic lane to pull into the restaurant."
"An 18 wheeler came around the blind curve and very nearly clipped the back of our minivan. My entire family was in the van."
"I was in the back and it was thiiiis 🤏 close."
~ JoJo926
Always Put The Vehicle In Park
"I was returning a DVD to the drive up collection bin in the parking lot. I had a girlfriend in my truck with me."
"I pulled up, put my window down and started to put the DVD through my window. I hit the frame and it knocked the DVD out of my hand onto the ground. I jumped out to pick it up without putting my truck in park."
"My door hit one of the steel poles protecting that bin from idiots, but not this one. My door trapped my head between the pole and my truck."
"Truck isn't in park, so it's moving forward and crushing my head. I could feel the bones moving in my skull."
"The girl in my truck couldn't see what was going on clearly, so she was laughing. I managed to get my foot inside and hit the brake."
"Shifted into reverse and freed my head. Had a good dent in my skull for a couple of weeks. I hate to think about panicking and hitting the gas that day."
~ spiderfishx
Walking While Drunk
"I fell down a steep hill covered in thornbushes at around 2 am. I was so drunk that the hill looked flat.
"I'm lucky I'm not dead. With the way I fell, I am super lucky I'm not paralyzed/quadriplegic."
"I was cut up and down by these bushes, but somehow nothing major. My back hurt for a few days."
"But somehow I lost my shoes and my shirt. I'm assuming the bushes literally ripped them off me as I fell."
"I ended up asking a random guy to call the cops for me and then they called my father to come get me."
~ Moist_Description608
Not Helpful Help
"I fell out while whitewater rafting once. Our guide decided to take the more complicated route because it was more fun and most of us in the raft had experience."
"I was knocked backwards out of the raft and the dumba** across the raft grabbed my foot to pull me out, I guess."
"So I’m hanging upside down, head getting dunked underwater, don’t even have a chance to float downstream, and I’m trying to yell at this dumba** to let me go between the rocks hitting my head."
"The guide was finally able to take a pause from navigating and haul me up by my vest. The guide explained why holding onto my foot could’ve gotten me killed in the way you’d explain to a small child."
"After I could breathe again, I laid into the dumba**. My husband told me later that he, the guide, and our friends were all yelling at this a**hole to let go."
"When the guide got up to grab me, he literally shoved her out of the way. She looked so proud of herself until that moment."
"I really thought I was going to die and not even because of the actual river we were on, but because the person across from me on the bench couldn’t follow basic instructions."
~ Whatdaeverlovingfuck
On The Job
"Working tired and in a rush. Worked late—about 14 hour day—trying to please my boss. I was way too tired to be working, and my coworker and I were rushing to get done to go home."
"I'm a painter and was cutting in the top part of the wall in a room with a concrete floor while standing on a 4 foot scaffold. I was on the tip top and missed the step board on the way down."
"My foot went in between the boards and vaulted the back of my head into the concrete at what I assume was a decent speed. I was entirely unconscious, but my coworker came over and he said I just looked stiff, and then I seized, then limp, and then seized and limp."
"He called 911, and the whole 10-15 minutes he said I would seize and go limp and then seize again. He heard the sirens and said the last thing he saw was me go limp and start snoring aggressively—agonal breaths."
"Luckily, I woke up not knowing anything, and I mean, I had no clue about my own name, couldn't recognize my wife, couldn't tell them where I lived, and it took several days to be able to remember some things. Doctor said that fall and the damage to my head should've killed me."
"Boss stuck me with the $15k hospital bill and told everyone I worked for myself so he wasn't responsible for worker's comp. I had a focal seizure a few days later and now I'm dependent on epilepsy meds and can't function without them and will never be off them."
"I have never been the same since the injury. Lesson learned—don't do anything extra for your boss because they don't care whatsoever about you."
~ Leather_Ad6525
Vehicular Incident
"Year was 2001. Just left a buddy's house with 4 of my friends packed in a small a** 1980s Plymouth Reliant."
"We were only a 1/4 mile away from his house. I was in the driver's side back seat—three of us squeezed in the back with the other two in the front."
"We pulled up to a stop sign on a busy road. Driver didn't really fully stop and pulled out into the street. An F350 pickup truck was barreling down the road and hit us going 70mph. I was on the impact side."
"We got pushed 40-50 feet or more into a gas station, coming within 3 feet of a gas pump. I was knocked unconscious and woke up roughly 15 minutes later , in a daze unsure what had happened."
"When I came to, I just remember being hunched over, and first thing I noticed was my jaw didn’t feel right. I moved it left to right and it just made the worst popping sounds."
"I remember looking up and seeing police and emergency lights flashing everywhere. They ended up using the jaws of life to get me out."
"When I came to, after shifting my jaw side to side, I went into real shock. I remember screaming uncontrollably in the ambulance that I was going to die over and over. I had no control. Shock is one of the scariest things I’ve ever experienced."
"Ended up breaking both sides of my mandible—my lower jaw, my left clavicle, 3 places in my pelvis and my collar bone. Couldn’t walk for 3 months. Jaw was wired shut."
"Ended up making a full recovery and living a normal life. I was 19 at the time, even enlisted in the Navy the following year."
"I'm 41 today and suffer from some joint ailments and dull aches and pains, but that’s about it. Everyone survived miraculously."
~ Sombrer0sTeve
Liquid Courage
"My mouth almost got me killed."
"I was drunk as hell one night and started running my mouth to some guy and he pulled a gun on me."
"I can still smell the gun oil."
~ Mental-Science1288
No Good Deed
"Jumped into a river to save a drowning friend. When I jumped in and made the swim, he was panicking and tried to pull himself up on me which in turn pushed me under."
"If it wasn’t for another friend throwing in the life ring both of us would have died that day. Now whenever I see a missing life ring near water—something we have in our area—I report it immediately."
"He wasn’t apologetic afterwards, just thankful. Because in the moment, he didn’t know what he was doing."
"In fact, when we discussed it a day later, he didn’t remember anything apart from seeing the ring get chucked in. The muppet thought we originally jumped into the water together."
~ Far_Kaleidoscope_102
Learn The Self Heimlich
"As embarrassing as it is to admit, a grape."
"Was eating alone at home one night and swallowed it whole, and I immediately started choking."
"Obviously I managed to dislodge it, but damn if it wasn't the scariest moment of my life."
~ Extension-Magician44
"A lollipop. I was eating one at night while my family was sleeping and I started choking."
"I couldn’t breathe."
"I would be very embarrassed in Heaven right now if I were dead."
~ F0ggyEyesight
** If you are choking on something, you can perform the Heimlich maneuver on yourself.
Follow these steps:
- Make a fist with one hand.
- Place the thumb of that hand below your rib cage and above your navel.
- Grasp your fist with your other hand.
- Press your fist forcibly into the upper abdominal area with a quick upward movement.
- You can also lean over a table edge, chair, or railing. Quickly thrust your upper belly area (upper abdomen) against the edge.
Mount Sinai Medical
White Knuckle Rafting
"I fell out of the raft while whitewater rafting. Our guide was great about telling us where to go if we fell out during certain rapids."
"On this particular rapid he said, 'If you fall out on this one… well, just don’t fall out'."
"So anyway, I fell out on that rapid. My shoulder hit a rock hard enough to tear the skin off. I heard the guide yell 'oh sh*t' right as I got pulled under."
"I don’t know how long I was under for, but it seemed like forever and everything slowed down. When I came back up the guide had his paddle stretched out just barely out of reach."
"We both stretched a little further and I grabbed the paddle and got pulled back into the raft. Apparently, earlier that week someone had died on that rapid after falling out."
~ jmiller1856
It's Not The Fall That Kills You
"My 5th parachute jump and my main failed, couldn't go to reserve because I was spinning too fast. My main finally popped at 400 ft."
"All my other jumps had been from 3000 ft. This one was from 5000 ft because another jumper had paid extra to go higher. If not for him, I would have splattered."
"3K ft is pretty standard on a static line. If you jump from higher, there's too much danger that you'll drift further from your target."
"On my 2nd jump, I had to dodge a backyard swingset and fence. 2 kids came running out of the house thinking it was the coolest thing ever."
"And then I had to walk a mile out to the road before someone could find me. If I had jumped from higher, who knows how far I could have gone off track."
~ MightyKittenEmpire2
Besides the pandemic, what's the last thing that almost killed you?
@Acyn/X
