1/35. If God created the sun on the fourth day, how had four days passed?

AntoneFinance

2/35. Dog food could say it's any flavor it wants, you're not going to test it.

M153RY

3/35. Batman only fights crime at night because otherwise he would have weird and obvious tan lines.

Krutzfeldt1

4/35. What if a radio station said "Hey Siri, text my mom 'f*ck you'.......... Send"
theWet_Bandits

5/35. The world isn't getting dumber. It's just easier for dumb people to get their thoughts heard.
lb8ovn

6/35. Isn't it weird in movies sometimes when there's a fight on top of a truck yet all the cars behind them will be driving like normal like "this is real messed up but I'm not going to be late for work".
crudmissile

7/35. Why are wedding dresses bought and tuxedos rented? The utility of each is such that it should be the other way around.
the_humeister

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8/35. I like to think money wouldn't change me; yet when I'm winning Monopoly I'm a terrible person.

aliendogfishman

9/35. We live in a world where lemonade is made from artificial flavors and furniture polish is made from real lemons.
DominickCosta

10/35. Wherever a fatal car crash or pedestrian death occurs, a red square with the year of the accident should be permanently included in the pavement. Seeing a lot of red squares in a given location would make drivers and pedestrians more careful.
KubrickIsMyCopilot

11/35. I've woken up over 10,000 times and I'm still not used to it.
dankerinooo

12/35. I am a much better proofreader the moment after I post something than the moment before.
SirHerald

13/35. If Google Maps added 5 minutes to every time estimate on directions millions of people would be on time for things.
bthoman2

14/35. When you're a kid, staying up late makes you feel like an adult. When you're an adult, staying up late makes you feel like a kid.
bigandz

bigandz

bigandz

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15/35. You think you're unique until you have to choose a username
High_as_red

16/35. Most animals don't recognize their own reflection because their brains aren't complex enough. I wonder if humans have observed something which we cannot comprehend or even know we cannot comprehend because our brains lack that complexity.
by bloodygames

17/35. It's strange that the adoption process is so strict and rigorous; and yet any two people can produce a baby with no regulation whatsoever.
by JaseAndrews

18/35. I'm lucky enough to live in a country where if I hear an air raid siren I expect it to be followed by phat bass and a banging tune.
by skyforgerer

19/35. If there's a mean dog or a wild horse in a movie, they have to train an animal to act untrained.
WaywardChilton

20/35. What the hell does a golfer do when they retire? Most people retire then take up golf.
extreme_matt

21/35. There's a big bag of deadly acid in the middle of my body and I'm supposed to be totally okay with that.
Treeaza

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22/35. From a wookie's perspective, Chewbacca is the handsome rogue and Han is the dumb sidekick communicating in animal noises.
Hrtzy

23/35. The last ten squares on the toilet roll should have "This is NOT enough for the next person!" printed on them
isaidthisinstead

24/35. My parents spent the first 18 years of my life telling me how unique and special I was, then spent the rest of my life telling me I am no different than anyone else and to get a job.
Chewyman11

25/35. When I was a small child, my grandmother showed me love by playing along with my make believe games. Now that she is older and has dementia it is my turn to show love by playing along with hers.
Flowsephine

26/35. I'm flabbergasted at how our education system managed to find a way to turn something as fascinating as history into a boring slog.
Lemvig42

27/35. Why would anybody buy a bookmark for a dollar when they could use a dollar as a bookmark?
NOTW_116

28/35. People used the cigarette lighter socket to light cigarettes, but now they use it to charge cigarettes.
Kirryu

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29/35. When we want another's thoughts, we say "penny for your thoughts." When we offer up our own, we say "putting my two cents in." We value our own opinion twice as much.
Conkrad

30/35. Uber should have a senior discount so elderly people wouldn't have to drive if they feel like they can't drive safely.
Delica

31/35. Porn and the WWE are essentially the same. Both feature unrealistic representations of humans taking way longer to accomplish something, in which the acting doesn't matter and the more outrageous the personality, the more popular.
SergeiDiaghilev

32/35. My first instinct when I see an animal is to say "hello", my first instinct when I see a human is to avoid eye contact and hope it goes away
Narksdog

33/25. We live in an age where your last words may be an emoticon.
horoshimu

34/35. It is widely accepted that you should have another job lined up before quitting your current job. This same concept does not apply to relationships.

Hot_Sauce_H**dJ*b

35/35. The person directly in front of you is also the person that is the farthest behind you.
SluffyD

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