Even though it's 2023, what the general population expects from women is still, generally speaking, terribly out of date.
Specifically, women are still expected to go through the traditional story arch of getting married, having children, and generally being defined as a wife and mother. This is perfectly acceptable and a wonderful life for some, but for others, it's not so simple.
In one TikTok video, Maelen of @the_mrs_sallee had a key question that all women between their twenties and forties will face: do they want to have children, will their answer to that question change, and will they regret not having children if they decide not to go through with it?
Maelen put a question out to TikTok:
"If you are in your forties and up, and a woman, or a woman with a partner who has gone their entire life childless (on purpose), please tell me what your life is like now."
"I have been told multiple times by family members, family friends, and sometimes friends, that once I get older and I can't have kids anymore, or I choose not to have kids, I'll either be jealous that I'm not having kids, or that I'll lose out on something, or that I'll be older and I'll be sad because I don't have children around me."
"I need to know from someone who I envision myself being later on in life... Do you feel like you lost out, or are you confident and happy with your choice?"
Another woman, Jackie Dives, has become known in recent months for her child-free content, specifically her "Day in the Life" videos about being a child-free woman and a professional photographer.
She began filming these videos after her five-year relationship with a serious partner ended because he wanted children and she did not. Dives had to make the decision of whether to stay in that relationship or to stick to what was more true to her: being child-free.
Once that relationship ended, Dives began filming what her days looked like not only as a single woman but as an intentionally child-free woman at the age of 39.
In response to Maelen's inquiry, Dives said of her "Day in the Life" videos:
"I often get s**t on TikTok for saying 'This is how a child-free person does XYZ,' or 'This is a day in the life of a child-free person.'"
"People are like, 'Why do you need to put in there that you're child-free? What difference does it make?"
"The reason I do that is because I want women like the person who I'm stitching (Maelen) to see what a life without children can look like."
"I'm 39, and I'm child-free, and my experience of being child-free [started] when my partner decided that he wanted to have children. We'd been together for five years, and he actually left our relationship. So I had to decide [and be] very sure that I was willing to let my partner go in exchange for living a child-free life."
"I really loved my partner a lot, and a lot of people were telling me that it was crazy to let him go and not just have a baby with him. But I knew in my heart and in my gut that I didn't want to be a parent."
"After we separated, it was really hard for me to visualize what my life would look like. I could see what my life would look like if he and I had stayed together. I would be with him, and we'd have a house, a baby, a family, great in-laws, and a white picket fence, the whole thing."
"But because we are never shown examples in media or pop culture about what it looks like to be a woman who doesn't have children, I had no idea what my life would look like if I didn't go down the path that everyone expected me to go down."
"It felt really lonely and strange, and I had to go seek out other women who had also made that choice. So that's why I always say in my videos, 'This is what a day in the life of a child-free artist looks like,' because I want women who don't want to have kids to have an example of what your life can look like."
You can watch the video here:
Viewers were touched by Dives' response and were grateful for her honesty.
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Too many women find themselves making decisions about marriage and children that they would not make if societal expectations were different.
With more people like Dives doing this work of exposing what it looks like to be child-free, and Maelen asking those scary questions, more women may be able to make the choices that are right for themselves.
@sama/X
