Names can convey all sorts of information, such as gender, culture, maybe even your approximate age if it's a name that's gone out of fashion. So, people tend to draw all sorts of conclusions about a person just based on their name.
And let's face it: all too often, folks with unusual names are at a disadvantage in our culture. Life (and science) proves it. Repeatedly.
That doesn't mean we all need to be out here with names like David, Karen, Jane, and Doug. It just means that we need to do some serious introspection when we decide what to name our children. Otherwise, we may end up with a furious child who changes their name as soon as they are legally able, tons of family drama, and some probably not-so-fun internet fame. Like the mom in this story.
There's a bit of a twist to this cautionary tale, though. Mom picked a perfectly normal-sounding name. Crystal, to be exact. She just opted to give it a really ... um ... festive spelling.
Qur'stylle, to be exact.
Not only did mom choose to get creative with the spelling, she was almost obsessive about it throughout her daughter's childhood. Whenever questions about the spelling or pronunciation came up (which was quite often...clearly) mom would get super offended and make a huge deal out of it.
It got to be a daily issue once school started. Teachers would need to get a whole speech every year. People constantly questioned the girl's name, her culture, and made assumptions about her that were way off base. It got to the point that Qur'stylle would just tell people to save her name as "Crystal" in their phones just to make life easier.
Which mom promptly punished her for.
As soon as Qur'stylle was of age and had the means, she went and got her name legally changed to a much simpler and more common spelling: Chrystal. Same pronunciation, easier spelling.
The teen's mom flipped out when she found out. Mom reacted by crying, telling her she had betrayed the family, and threatening to cut her off. That prompted the kind of response that gives teens their reputations as irrational little volcanoes.
After dropping a few choice f bombs on mom during the process of standing up for herself, the newly-minted Chrystal decided to vent on reddit looking for a "sanity check."
And vent she did. With all the aplomb and feistiness you'd expect from a teenage girl who feels like she's spent her life dealing with someone else's mistake.
We like to imagine the last paragraph with a whole bunch of censor beeps. It's more fun that way.
"So my a**hole scumbag parents named me Qur'stylle and my whole life I have gotten sh*t like "are you Muslim?" "what language is your name originated from?" "what country are you from?" and people butchering its pronunciation, for obvious reasons. I have always told people to just spell it as "Chrystal" and my parents (mainly mom) would take huge offense to it and would email my teachers every year to make sure they pronounce my name correctly."
"My mom even grounded me once because I told people to just make save my name as "Chrystal" in their contacts. Now that I'm a legal adult I got my named changed to Chrystal so now I don't have to deal with this f*cking bullsh*t for the rest of my life. Having this bullsh*t spelling and having to correct everyone everyday was annoying as hell and everyone before they met me would always think I'm some spoiled brat b*tch when that isn't true at all. Your name affects how people see you, much of it is subconscious, and having these bullsh*t spellings is not good."
"My mom lost her sh*t and started crying and threatened to cut me off for doing this. She said I betrayed her and our family by doing this. I'm pretty sure I'm in the right, but I need a sanity check here. I told my mom to go f*ck herself and f*ck her for causing me all these problems in my life and not supporting me and taking my complaints into considerations over my own f*cking name. My mom is a c*nt and my dad is a spineless coward."
Reddit users pretty quickly agreed that she had every right to adjust the spelling of her name, but were also pretty quick to point out that, based on the post, she was pretty clearly angry.
Like, just a little bit.
People totally got it.
"It's your name and your right to change it if you wish. Honestly, if I may say so, it may be best to take a step back from your family. It sounds like they're causing you a lot of unnecessary anger, and you seem very hostile towards them. Cut as much negativity and toxicity out of your life as you can."
"Now that you're a legal adult, it's ultimately up to you to decide who you want to keep in your life. You don't have to sever the relationship completely, but you should definitely do what's best for yourself & your sanity. I know that having parents like that must be a big stressor in your life." - TolkienandTrees
"I noticed this:"
"would email my teachers every year to make sure they pronounce my name correctly"
"Your mom thinks you're her possession to show off. She picked that name for the same reason people get their sports cars in bright red: "Look at this awesome thing I own!!" Not only are you in the right for wanting a normal name, it's good of you to get out from under your mom's influence." - JeremyMcCracken
"If it was a culturally or religiously important name with roots in the family then maybe that would be on the spectrum of betrayal but this is just basic narcissism. Just read the definition below of narcissism and see how much of this you think fits your mom's feelings about YOUR name."
"'...excessive need for admiration, disregard for others' feelings, an inability to handle any criticism, and a sense of entitlement.'"
"Plus you're an adult. Unusual names can hinder or block legitimate employment, higher education, granting of loans etc." - CardiacShmardiac
"Betrayed" her and your family? That's a stretch. And THAT'S an understatement. She gets to pick your name when you're a kid. You're an adult now, and you are allowed to dislike what she picked and change it. She's allowed to be hurt by that. She is not allowed to threaten you for making adult decisions." - Beret_Of_Poodle
We know what they think, now we want your opinions. Was changing the spelling a "betrayed-the-family"-level offense? Was Chrystal making too big of a deal out of Qur'stylle? Is mom a total narcissist? Sound off.
