A father who took in his teenage daughter's boyfriend to live with them in their home during the lockdown suddenly found himself making a difficult decision.
The young couple got in a fight, broke up, and left the ex-boyfriend with nowhere else to go.
Going back to his home with his single mother—whose health is compromised—was not a viable option.
When Redditor "VeryCornfused" decided to let the ex-boyfriend stay in the pool house, he upset both his daughter and his wife for prioritizing the needs of a non-family member.
The Original Poster (OP) asked AITA (Am I the A**hole) for not kicking out his daughter's ex-boyfriend.
"I've found myself in a bit of a sticky situation amidst everything going on in the world."
"My daughter (19) moved back in from college and asked if her high-school boyfriend (18) could move back into the house. His Mother is immunocompromised and also probably abusive (no father in the picture)."
"Reluctant, but convinced by my wife, I decided to let him sleep in the guest room for the time being."
The house guest proved to be an unexpected surprise to have around.
"He's been very well behaved, makes his bed every day, is very polite, does chores around the house and tries to pay us back for every little thing."
"He even cut my younger son's hair (he worked part-time at a barbershop) and plays sports / hangs out with them."
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Things took a turn when the young couple got into a heated argument.
"Fast forward four weeks later, and apparently, him and my daughter had a big fight Saturday night and broke up."
"I think they've just seen a little too much of each other recently as they've been the only people they've really interacted with and been hanging out at least 10 hours every day."
The OP was faced with a dilemma as a result of the fallout.
"My daughter came to me sobbing and asking me to kick him out of the house because she couldn't stand being cooped up with him because she was heartbroken."
"I talked to him about it and he said he doesn't have anywhere else to go (his mother is his only relative locally) and he begged me to not kick him out."
"To compromise, I told him he could sleep in our pool house, a completely separate building, for the time being."
But the OP's decision to show compassion for the ex-boyfriend's predicament upset his wife.
"My wife came to me furious and said it was absurd that I would take a random kids side over my own daughters, to which I responded that I wasn't picking a side."
"I just feel I have a responsibility to make sure this kid had a stable roof over his head. She said my daughter is just crushed to even see him and hear him playing with my son."
"My view is that she would be looking at pictures/reminded of him even if he was in the house, and there's no real good reason to kick him out. AITA?"
The OP added that he knew the boyfriend's father "from my days in high school" and "was a real piece of work."
"It maybe adds something to why I feel partly responsible for the kid."
So, is the OP the a**hole?
"NTA (Not the A**hole). He can't really just bounce from your place to his mother's, especially now."
"Your wife and daughter begged you to let him live with you, so you did. Unless he was dangerous or something, it would be absolutely horrible of you to kick him out in the middle of a pandemic knowing he has nowhere to go."
"Having him sleep in the guest house was a good compromise, but even if it weren't an option and he had to live in the guest room you still would be right to let him stay." – TattedKnifeGeek
This Redditor suggested coming up with a long-term plan for the ex-boyfriend.
"NTA but I think this lock down might go on for a lot longer than most people are anticipating. Especially depending on where you are."
"I would discuss with your wife now how long you think is reasonable to be in this position. You are going to need to give that kid plenty of warning before you kick him out."
"You also might need to help facilitate how he gets a place on his own. Helping him look for cheap apartments etc."
"I would set a time limit for this now, one month? Two months? Pick a reasonable amount of time, tell the kid that's how long you are willing to be this generous."
"Then make suggestions over to help him figure out what to do next. This will also help your daughter understand that you are helping this boy in a time of need but you are not just allowing him to remain a part of the family indefinitely when she needs boundaries."
"Edit: not to mention, Does he have a job right now? If he doesn't even make any money of his own, are you comfortable with him getting a new job during a pandemic and potentially bringing that home to your family?"
"Everyone has different comfort levels right now for what their family is doing."
"If you want this guy to not a have a job for months to not bring anything home, then he'll also need a few months with you wants he gets a job to have enough for down payments and things."
"Then you're looking at what, 4, 5 months ? And how comfortable are you with this kid leaving to go visit other friends and/or girls during a pandemic while your daughter is right there ?"
"You are totally doing the right thing but this will get SO. Messy if you don't figure out what your clear expectations are now. I wouldn't wait until things get weird." – beowulfwallace
The daughter is getting an early lesson on how to deal with breakups.
"My ex is living in my one bedroom apartment because he can't work and has nowhere else to go."
"Seriously, this sh*t happens all the time and she can deal with it just like the rest of us." – yazoosirius
"This, 100%. This happens all the time in adulthood."
"My best friend is amazing but she doesn't have the best track record for relationships and has experienced the broken-up-but-living-together thing multiple times, including needing to share the bedroom because the place was so small." – BananaInZeroG
"It's actually a good lesson for your daughter to learn cus relationship don't always work out, things don't always work it and sometimes you have to deal with it for a bit to do the right or decent thing." – Littlebrownfoxx
"Beyond the relationship lesson, it's also a good lesson that sometimes, being a decent human is more important than our own comfort."
"A lot of people are stuck living with recent exes during this. It sucks. But you wouldn't kick your ex out into a hurricane with no shelter or support, and you shouldn't kick your ex out into a pandemic with no shelter or support. It's called basic decency." – blackbirdbluebird17
Who knows? With the future of the pandemic remaining uncertain, the couple could have the time to repair their relationship.
Even if they don't work out, free haircuts in the household is still a good perk worth keeping around.
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