You may have heard the Mattel toy company is redoing everyone's favorite kids' TV show about a big purple dinosaur, Barney & Friends.
That means one thing--conservatives are losing their minds for no reason.
After a long hiatus, Barney is back except this time the show will change to an animated format instead of a person in a giant dinosaur suit.
Of course, to conservatives "change" automatically means "woke," and "woke" means "whatever thing I have decided is offensive today for arbitrary reasons I cannot and will not explain but are definitely racist and transphobic."
So the right is mad because they're convinced based on zero evidence whatsoever that Barney & Friends is now going to be a show where a nude domintarix leads five-year-olds in a Black Mass while reading The Communist Manifesto or whatever.
People like Brigitte Gabriel, Chairwoman of far-right anti-Muslim organization ACT For America, immediately took to Twitter to complain about the supposed woke-ification of Barney & Friends, for which there is no evidence, as seen below.
\u201ci hope they make new barney a polyamorous trans lesbian just for you brigitte\u201d— matt (@matt) 1676330851
The uproar is rather absurd because the original Barney & Friends was already pretty "woke" in the first place, at least as the word was defined by the Black people who coined it before conservatives co-opted it to be a catch-all for whatever they don't like.
The cast of the show was racially and ethnically diverse to a degree that would seem progressive today, let alone in the 90s and early 2000s. And Barney taught kids about ideas like love and acceptance and kindness, which even Republicans still liked back then.
In announcing the reboot, Josh Silverman, Chief Franchise Officer and Global Head of Consumer Products at Mattel detailed what viewers can expect from the new Barney & Friends:
"We will tap into the nostalgia of the generations who grew up with Barney, now parents themselves, and introduce the iconic purple dinosaur to a new generation of kids and families around the world across content, products, and experiences."
Yeah that... just sounds exactly like the original Barney & Friends except animated.
Ah ha! But! Mattel Television SVP and General Manager Fred Soulie said of the reboot:
“[It will] reflect the world that kids today live in so that the series can deliver meaningful lessons about navigating it."
See that's how they get ya. Conservatives don't want to reflect "the world that kids today live in," they only want to reflect the world as it was back in like 1950, when everyone who wasn't a white cisgender straight Christian man didn't have any power. No wonder they're mad.
Anyway, if this all seems absurd to an extent that's laughable, you're not alone--Twitter had a field day roasting this newest conservative outrage.
\u201ci hate that they made barney woke, as opposed to the old barney who wasnt afraid to say racial slurs\u201d— Chris Benoit Blanc (@Chris Benoit Blanc) 1676394176
\u201c@JUNlPER I have been casted to play Barney and I promise to be woke. We are changing him from purple to the colors of the transgender flag. There will be another boy Barney and we are going to kiss on the lips and mouth (with tongue). It\u2019s gonna be great!\u201d— pudding person (@pudding person) 1676330069
\u201cin the original barney he's like, i love you, you love me, but it's natural to have more affinity for one's racial and national group rather than having affinity for all humans as a 'global citizen' drained of all identity. but now he's woke\u201d— Celine Dionysus Official\u00ae\u2122 (@Celine Dionysus Official\u00ae\u2122) 1676396584
\u201c@ACTBrigitte **Watches first episode of Barney and he doesn\u2019t say ONE racial slur**\n\nMe: \u201cOh GREAT!! Barney\u2019s gone woke!!!\u201d\u201d— Brigitte Gabriel (@Brigitte Gabriel) 1676309568
\u201c@ACTBrigitte Oh you mean they better not promote inclusion, acceptance, and love?\n\nOoh boy do I got bad news for you about the original barney broadcast\u201d— Brigitte Gabriel (@Brigitte Gabriel) 1676309568
\u201c@ACTBrigitte @j_aches I\u2019m a writer on the new Barney, we have several specials planned out where he specifically mentions your kids\u2019 names and asks if they\u2019d like to be a different gender.\u201d— Brigitte Gabriel (@Brigitte Gabriel) 1676309568
\u201c@mattxiv the way he was already \u201cwoke\u201d back then because the kids were diverse and we all know conservatives use woke to mean poc people \ud83d\ude44\u201d— matt (@matt) 1676330851
\u201cNew Barney's so woke he's gonna teach the kids Critical Rex Theory.\u201d— Lon Harris (@Lon Harris) 1676329516
\u201c@the_thing_doer Give him top surgery scars\u201d— ewan!! (@ewan!!) 1676356009
\u201c@ACTBrigitte Can't stand it when my favorite TV show succumbs to the "I love you, you love me" and the "everybody do their share" agenda\u201d— Brigitte Gabriel (@Brigitte Gabriel) 1676309568
Anyway, someone reset the countdown clock till the next conservative faux-outrage.
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AMC