'Waddle Faster Mommy' And Other Brutal Things Kids Have Said

"He looked at me..."

As a teenager I had horrendous acne. My three year old cousin was asked if they wanted to give me a hug before leaving a family gathering.

He looked at me and said "No, his face has big ugly buttons" and then walked off.

Minotaur11

"I was visiting my grandchildren..."

I was visiting my grandchildren (4 and 6 yo) and their parents, and reminded them that I was leaving in two days.

Both children clapped and cheered.

OldGuysRewl

"My little sister..."

My little sister told my first girlfriend that she was the first girl who was willing to talk to me.

my_future_wife

"I told her I don't have one."

A 7 year old asked me "Where is your girlfriend?", since my brother's girlfriend was there with us. I told her I don't have one. So she said "Oh. Yeah I guess some people are supposed to be alone."

Well damn.

PhreedomPhighter

"The boy next door..."

The boy next door once told my Mom that she shouldn't hang her underwear on the clothesline because "his mother didn't want his father looking at it."

Back2Bach

"My son asked..."

My brother is blind in one eye.

My son asked "Uncle, which eye do i look at?" Obviously i thought this was savage but my Brother took it like a champ and circled his 'correct eye' in red pen.

Quimerino

"That's not very nice."

Me (putting my daughter to bed): I love you, honey. Goodnight.

Her: I don't love you.

Me: That's not very nice. I'm sure you love me.

Her: Nope. I just love Mommy. Bye.

moosebaloney

"One time a kid..."

One time a kid in the day camp I was volunteering at asked me if I had a mommy.

"Of course I have a mommy. Why do you ask?"

"Oh. I thought you didn't have a mommy because she died because you're so old."

I was 15 at the time.

TheMorningOwl

"While my aunt is getting changed..."

While my aunt is getting changed into a bathing suit years ago.

5 year old cousin: "Mom I want to be like you when I grow up I just don't want your body."

lexstacy

"I worked at a library..."

I worked at a library and they were going to have a "scare away drugs" day were you dress scary for a day. A little girl told the librarian "wow you went all out for the scary day!", the librarian said, "Ohh that's not today it's on Friday". The little girl said "Ohh well you're ready" and walked off.

It was painful to see a 35-year-old woman eviscerated by a 2nd grader.

dabocx

"I work as a therapist..."

I work as a therapist and had a kid walk up to his new teacher, place his hands on her belly and ask in a ringing voice, "Is it a boy or a girl?"

He genuinely thought she was pregnant, bless his little soul.

guirhsv

"Was sitting on the couch with my girlfriend..."

Was sitting on the couch with my girlfriend and her nephew and he was staring at me.

Him: "What's wrong with your neck?"

Me: "What? Do I have a bruise or something?"

Him: "No you have like a big thing sticking out."

Me: "Oh that's my adam's apple."

Him: "Oh... Is it always going to be like that?"

Me: "Ummm.... yes?"

Him: "That's really gross looking."

be_nice_to_me_plz

"That was the hardest I ever had to hold back laughter."

I was driving my son and his friend home from a baseball tournament, they were about 12. The kid's dad was a bit of a loudmouth a--hole and he wanted to ride the 2 hr drive with us because he didn't pitch a very good game and he knew his dad would be yelling at him. I overheard him tell my kid that "I know why my dad hates me, I walked in on him in the bathroom and my thing is way bigger than his." That was the hardest I ever had to hold back laughter.

gearhead488

"My two daughters..."

My two daughters (5 and 7) were fighting over a toy. The younger one turned to the older one and said, "If you don't give me the toy I'm going to cut off your head and bury it in the backyard where no one will ever find it."

SweetSweetTightTight

"I was dressed as Little Red Riding Hood..."

I was dressed as Little Red Riding Hood for Halloween and was taking my friend's nieces trick-or-treating. One of them turned to me and said, "What are you supposed to be?"

Me: Little Red Riding Hood

Her: Oh, I though she was supposed to be pretty.

KayyKai

"I was 23..."

"Why do you have more hair on your face than your head?"

I was 23 and hadn't fully accepted my hairline thinning yet, caught me way off guard.

work10306

"My younger sisters and I..."

My younger sisters and I were spending the night at our grandparents' once. The youngest (9 at the time) slept in our grandma's bed and the middle and I (13 and 15) were staying in the guest room. In the morning the 9 year old came to wake us up, and the conversation went something like this:

9: Wake up, breakfast's ready.

Me: No, go away, I'm trying to get my beauty rest.

9: Oh. Well... [13] is trying to get her ugly rest!

Never been prouder.

homicidal_bird

"I work as a cashier..."

I work as a cashier in a fast food restaurant. I enjoy wearing makeup because since I wear a uniform makeup is one of the few ways I can express myself. My niece who was around two at the time "Why do you wear makeup? The restaurant doesn't need it."

rubyslippers716

"I was watching her and her 3 siblings for 4 days..."

My 6 year old niece is a particularly sassy little girl. I was watching her and her 3 siblings for 4 days when I was 19. I took them to the pool and then a pizza place and was obviously stressed but trying to keep my cool with the little rascals. They were holding their pizza really weird and all the toppings were sliding right off. I held up a slice with two hands:

Me: no, like this! Haven't you guys ever had pizza before? /s

Niece: haven't you ever watched 4 kids before?

I called my mom and cried.

Naynayshanay

"My little sister..."

My little sister (she was maybe 5-6 at the time) looked at me one day and said, "You're like a drunken archer."

I asked what that meant, and she said, "You have no aim in life."

pyralsprite