People Break Down The Most British Insults They've Ever Heard

1-

Knob.

DirtySingh

Also, consider some of the variations; knobhead, knob cheese, knob gobbler...

seaandtea

When I read in a recipe recently that called for a knob of butter, I immediately felt insulted. 😂

therealub

2-

My English boyfriend said "Screw off you coffin dodger!!" Meant to be shouted at old people.

Neither994

Oh I'm gonna keep this one in my arsenal! Mostly because most old people where i live have no clue what it means.

Karsdegrote

3-

Jog on you tosser.

oknh

As a Brit, I don't hear this enough anymore.

Similarly: "on your bike, bellend!"

Sees_Walls

4-

You complete and utter twat.

pete_spiderman

Dunno if its an American thing or just in my area, but I've only ever heard it pronounced "twot" before. I could be wrong but I think in the movie Easy A its pronounced like that as well, but I don't know why that even comes to mind.

anything1997

5-

What a numpty.

CarefulComparison

"That's my girlfriend, you numpty!!" Is my favorite Harry Potter quote.

Sam57765

6-

Do one you bloody pillock.

HandLion

I'm American and I tried using the word "bloody" one time and my brother told me to STFU cause this wasn't Harry Potter. :(

LolaBunnyHoneyBee

7-

You're getting on my tits.

Malfoof51

It's a cruder equivalent of 'you're getting on my nerves'. Said by guys and girls.

crashlanding87

8-

Well, nearly anything can be a British insult when you put the word "Absolute" in front of a word.

For example, I could say: "You absolute doorknob" and it would sound like an insult!

PlayfulJellyfish9

Same goes for "complete and utter".

Eg: "you complete and utter muppet".

Also: muppet.

CologneTrooper

9-

The Scottish do this really well.

I was working in Scotland last year and standing at the bar in a hotel. It was quite busy, and they were a bit drunk and loud.

The guy at the back keeps pushing his mate, telling him to move forward when he turned and said "I canny occupy tah same space as him you Toblerone".

I laughed so hard I nearly cried!

PaulBag4

10-

Reminds me of a Michael Macyntire (I think?) bit where he suggested anything can be used to replace "drunk" when you're British.

"We got proper bungalowed last night."

"Jessica was completely and utterly side tabled yesterday."

Shakezula123

11-

My friend calls people "absolute watermelons" and I love it.

Lababy91

You don't really even have to put anything after absolute.

"OH you ABSOLUTE.... trails off in disappointment*

DankFloyd_6996

Pat-Pat

Was at a limmy book reading a couple of years back where a bunch of drunk teens kept shouting it out loud for no reason. Everyone round them were just telling them to shut it. I reckon it's gone from "heh, that's quite funny" to "freaking honking patter" in a lot of people's minds.

mathamhatham

And you Ma?

Ya dad sells Avon!

dgw25

Yer da guards statues.

oundcosy

Under rated!

bos_well_

Rhymes with Jerk

What a berk. Not used as much nowadays but I still like it. Same with the insult "pleb".

SM_83

Berk has fascinating origins. I believe it comes from Cockney Rhyming Slang (poetry) short for Berkshire Hunt... as in, C*nt.

So Berk is a totally mild and generally acceptable way of saying C**t.

My gran called my a bloody berk once. Great.

seaandtea

Treasonous Ways

When I was angry at my mum once she tried making me a cuppa tea, so I took it and poured it down the sink.

_becatron

Legally speaking, according to the magna carta you are no longer British after committing such an act.

fullicat

Glassworks

Not seen window licker yet?

Hawk_The_Slayer

I know right. I'm so far down looking for it... and then I found you.

And just between us... my fave thing of the week was a photo of a frosted up windscreen with MONG written on in massive letters... and the caption, I can't believe someone just did this to my car... it took me 30 minutes to lick it off.

I hate myself for laughing.

seaandtea

Move Along

Sod off, you prat.

James99500

I love the phrase dozy prat, so add that and that's perfection.

friggintodd

Fur and Liquor

Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries.

Aksi_Gu

There is some deeper meaning to this, hamsters breed indiscriminately and elderberries were commonly turned into booze...

dt030

Mags

I have an older Scottish friend who said her mother used to call everyone she didn't like a "bloody Maggie thatcher."

shedoesthatsometimes

Loss of Nice

I'm not British, but I used to date a very prim and proper girl from Cambridgeshire.... she was embroiled in a feud with a workmate for a while during our relationship, and at one point things got so bad that they both stopped using "kind regards" at the end of emails and just switched to "regards." It was brutal.

Beans_ON_Toasttt