Relationships are created on a case-by-case basis, and because everyone has different needs and interests, what will make one person happy in a relationship will make someone else miserable.
But sometimes breaking up, especially over something like sexual incompatibility, which is so difficult to work on and change, can be even more painful than putting up with the problem.
Or, addressing it could lead to the best relationship a person ever dreamed of.
Redditor Independent-Size7972 asked:
"People who have broken up because of sexual incompatibility, what happened after the breakup?"
Alike in Every Way But One
"He ended up in a very happy relationship with someone exactly like me to an uncanny degree (not in appearance, but in life experience, personality, and attitude) with whom he is sexually compatible, and I'm still single like four years later, and it kinda stings, not gonna lie."
- Styro20
Happily Ever After
"We remained good friends, and we both ended up with new partners better suited to our needs. Really the best possible outcome."
- Positive-Goose-7459
Knowing Before They Know
"My first middle school boyfriend was gay. When we started dating, I was tagging along to the gym with my dad every day. I had oddly defined biceps for a girl, a pixie haircut, and a washboard-flat chest. I was constantly being mistaken for a boy, and he would tell me he'd never met a girl as beautiful as me. That I was gorgeous."
"A year later, puberty had set in. Suddenly I had c cups and hips. Men were stopping to look at me in stores. Suddenly, he was disgusted by me. Suddenly he only smiled at me when other boys were looking and seemed horrified at the idea of holding my hand."
"One day it clicked that he was excited to be seen in public as my boyfriend, because the other boys were impressed by that and wanted to talk to him because he was dating me. He didn't actually want to date me. Trying to date him was slowly killing the respect and fun that friendship was built on."
"I went to my mom for advice. I didn't have the words to ask, 'How do you tell someone you aren't willing to be their beard for the six years until graduation?' but that was the gist of the conversation."
"She called me absolutely terrible for even thinking about asking that and expressed disgust that I would ever think something like that about such a nice young man."
"He was similarly furious that I would break up with him and refused to stay friends. He hadn't realized he was gay yet, but he was so angry that the guy he liked might not think he was cool if he got dumped. That was his big fear about the relationship ending. That he might lose attention from his crush."
"Happily, his crush seemed thrilled with the idea that they could hang out after school, play some basketball, and play some video games to comfort my ex until he was over me."
"He didn't come out for another decade, but he also didn't date another girl after me."
- LostDogBoulderUtah
Results of Terrible Communication
"I knew a girl who broke up with her first boyfriend (of five years) because she REALLY wanted someone more dominant in bed, and he was apparently just about the most gentle lover you can imagine."
"Another guy came along and started teasing her about how he could tell what she was into and she couldn’t even imagine what he could do for her. So she broke up with the first boyfriend and got with this guy. Shockingly enough, the second boyfriend made good on the promise, and they’ve been happily having mind-blowing sex (along with one baby, for the last four years)."
"Perhaps even more shockingly, when the first boyfriend found out WHY she broke up with him (she didn’t tell him it was because she was bored in bed because she thought that would be 'cruel'), he was furious."
"He confronted her and told her he held back with her because he didn’t think she’d be into it. Basically, he told her he could’ve rocked her world if she had just asked."
"But by that point, she was engaged to her second boyfriend and it was too late."
- Dramiotic
The Best Decision
"We both did not enjoy sex together and decided to break up. We were young but I thought we had both made a great decision."
"It's okay to admit you're incompatible, it's better than staying in a relationship for everything else but end up cheating..."
- IAmGabyGroot
The Worst Nightmare
"It turned out I don't have sexual dysfunction or a low libido, I just didn't like having sex with my ex. Happily married to someone who I do like having sex with."
- daintyladyfingers
Sometimes It Just Doesn't Work Out
"I’ve had a few. Mostly one of us just lost interest, but I’ve remained friends with most. One of them just became a regular friend. I live 10000 miles away from her but I know I could ask her for just about anything in case of emergency."
"People are people. You can just agree that s**t didn’t work out but still be friends."
- EyeSouthern7121
Incompatible Fear
"He tried to blackmail me to come back, but his family wouldn't let him and they got me away from him, lol (laughing out loud)."
"If anyone's wondering, we broke up because he kept asking for sex, but he was terrified that his pen*s would snap in any position, so it always ended with him having a tantrum that we couldn't do anything because of his own fear, and he would try to blame me for it... So yeah, it was an everyday argument situation with him."
- Longjumping-Rest8404
Something Out of a Rom-Com
"We went on a double date with our respective best friends and executed a swap sometime after midnight. They got married not long after. Me and her friend had a nice, very sexually compatible relationship. We all remained close."
- ScotsBeowulf
The Toughest of Breakups
"We stayed in contact and I really miss him. I know if we got back together we’d have the same issues. He’s seeing someone new and I really do hope he’s happy."
"It's pretty f**ked up because I saw us growing old together. I’ve dated one guy since and we were much more sexually compatible but I wasn’t as compatible in all other ways. Really nice guy but I had to end it."
"Unrelated, breaking up with someone because you’re just not feeling it is horrible. I had mad anxiety before and during doing it. I didn’t want to hurt him and I feel very lonely again. I’ll be okay and so will he."
- CRSMCD
Long and Mostly Happy Marriage
"My (42 Male) wife (42 Female) and I are entirely sexually incompatible. We've been together 21 years; both had very fulfilling sex lives prior to this relationship. We very rarely have sex and it's just okay when we do. We both even joke about it at this point..."
"But regardless, I love my wife more than anything in the world; we choose a practically sexless relationship rather than be apart."
- JohnCasey3306
Just Happens
"We were/are pretty good friends though I moved to a new state and haven’t really started dating again."
"Our sexual incompatibility was a big issue for me because I like the feeling of intimacy and being wanted both romantically and sexually in addition to the general social connection."
"We have a really good chemistry, just not in the bedroom. Sucks but felt like the right choice in the end, I suppose. Just happens sometimes."
- Faceluck
Fear of Letting Go
"It was really hard to move on. There was a lot of anxiety about whether or not it would be a problem in the next relationship and made me doubt whether or not I’d be able to find someone who was compatible AND a person whom I really wanted to spend my life with."
- Acornwow
They Deserve Better
"Well, she started cheating with my replacement before we broke up, so they got married, bought a house, had kids and i´ve been single since we broke up."
- MeatZealousideal595
Complete Opposites
"My husband is not sexual at all, but I really enjoyed doing it. It was getting to a point where my confidence was in the gutter, so I left. But, then I realized that sexual gratification was NOTHING compared to the love I have for that man."
"Now we're back together, haven't had sex in years, and are more happy and in love than ever. We're that couple that makes others gag from how lovey we are. I'm so happy to have a life with him and am upset that I left for that year because that's time I could've spent with him."
- Sinderellasail
The results of these breakups were incredibly varied, but it's important to note that most of these people were either incredibly happy with their results or still reeling from what they had been needing in the relationship and what they were missing once the relationship was gone.
It's important to remember that everyone has different needs and desires, so decisions that work for one person might totally backfire for someone else.
Jane Rosenberg
Jane Rosenberg
@arianagrande/Instagram
@arianagrande/Instagram