Is there anything worse than having a family judge you?
Reddit user, u/btc_alive_n_kicking, wanted to hear how you slip up around the families when they asked:
What is it like to be the f-ck up in the family?
Sometimes your family can make you feel like a failure without even trying all that hard. Sometimes, even if you're doing well it won't matter too much.
Whatever Good Thing You Do Will Be A Shock
"[Any] minor good thing you do will be an unbelievable miracle to everyone. "he managed to keep a job for how long? i don't believe it"
They Don't Expect Much From You
"no one has [expectations] for you [because] [they've] given up on you so even a small bit of progress is good"
"Its worse when they still have expectations of you, because they just want you to succeed."
However, after a long enough period you can learn to live with it, make it a part of you, and move on. It doesn't always have to be a hindrance on your life.
For The Sake Of Your Mental Health
"It's easier after forty years. I've also learned to say no, give less fucks and implement boundaries and this has been fundamental in improving my mental health where my family is concerned. Surprisingly, because I'm mentally stronger and enforce my strength with them, I've trained them to act differently with me. We still have our moments and I guess I'll always be the black sheep, but I've accepted that and it's made my life much easier. Genuinely caring less about it and not seeking their approval anymore is also helpful."
A Mirror Looking In At Yourself
"Shi-tty. You look around you and see everyone doing so much better than you. Kinda makes the pit you exist in seem like the walls are nigh impossible to scale... especially as you get older."
"Even a sad studio apartment in a shite part of town seems like a lofty goal."
Feeling Unable To Stack Up
"Not the f-ck up per se, but everyone else in my family is a genius and I'm just dumb (at least by comparison). My grandparents, parents, aunts and uncles, and siblings all went to Harvard or MIT -- except for one uncle who was the "black sheep" because he went to Yale lol -- and are seriously smart people. Like Rhodes Scholars, Physics professors, published authors, and all this other crazy supergenius stuff. I just went to my state school and am a middle school teacher. I love my job and life, but sometimes I feel a bit inferior."
And then there's these families, which give you that creepy feeling going up your spine and makes you want to decline an invitation to any future Christmas parties.
Moving On From What They Consider You To Be
"I'm the black sheep of my family. I don't consider myself a f-ck up. But my family makes me feel like that sometimes. It's really hard seeing my parents fawn over my sister. They let her get away with anything while they kept me on a tight leash. They give her so much stuff. She got to go to after school programs & clubs, they take her out for food, they constantly talk to her. While I had to wear the same bra for years. I never had enough socks or underwear & they were full of holes. I would have to were ill fitting shoes. They don't even say hi to me most days. My other sis has it bad too but at least her & our mom have a relationship. My father has told me to my face he doesn't care about me. He says I'm too lazy to do anything."
"I don't know where all their animosity for me came from. It started when the golden child was born. The moment she came into the world I remember my parents just ignoring me. They pretty much swept me under the rug & pretend I didn't exist. Then over the years, it grew into hatred. (I don't hate my sis tho she is actually very nice & sees the issues in our family)"
"Its almost funny actually. I'm rebuilding an Rv. I'm an artist who is really close to opening an online business to sell my art. I can play a few instruments. I'm very smart when it comes to animal science & space science. I've always held down a job. I bought my own car (they recently just got my sis her own car). They still consider me a loser. But it's ok; when I'm done with my Rv I'm getting the f**k out & never looking back. It was really nice getting that off my chest, I really appreciate you asking this question. And I hope whatever situation you're in gets better."
You Learn To Live With It
"Honestly, it's not so bad."
"I made some dumb decisions when I was young, and sometimes unfortunate circumstances exacerbated my situation. I've always been poor, never owned a home, got divorced young and just kind of muddled through. Meanwhile, one brother joined the airforce and went to Yale law school, and the other started his own business. My cousins are all wealthy."
"It ended up being okay. I'll never pay off my student loans before I retire, and still have no degree. But now, at 50, I have a decent job, a happy second marriage, and a great adult child who will have a degree and own a home before I do. I now just let the criticism roll off me, and I'm a genuinely content person."
Don't Talk About It. It's Not Prudent.
"I just have a very superficial relationship with my family. It sucks but I can't see how it could ever be different."
"This is how I am. When things are going to sh-t and I talk to my mom: "Everything's great." Didn't get the job after the interview: "everything's great." Drank too much, had a break down, and got put on a psych hold: "Everything's great :)"
"I cannot comprehend being open and honest about how I'm really doing. It seems so foreign when I meet people who can have these types of relationships with their parents."
How Do You Move On?
"Don't take it too serious or you will feel like sh-t"
"Trying to man"
"Give yourself a few years...keep doing you and things will work out if you are not actually a f**k up. And even if you are? You don't have to be tomorrow! And who decides you are anyway? We all have off days. Be kind to yourself, and you will be fine! I was you 20-25 yr ago! And even 6-10 yr ago. And now I am lovely :)."
You might not be able to move on from your family. They might always be there, nipping at your heels, talking about you and your supposed failures behind your back for the rest of your life, and that's okay. You take it in, move on, and keep living your life.
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@kileywrestling/Bluesky
