Bisexual People Describe The Difference In Dating Men And Women

It's 2024, and we should all be able to agree by now that everyone should be free to love who they love and to express themselves how they wish to express themselves.

But there's no denying that there are some differences between men and women, even if it's simply because that's how they were socialized to think, feel, and act.

Surely, the best way to get to the bottom of this is to talk to people who have dated both men and women, right?

Curious, Redditor SugarandBlotts asked:

"Bi People of Reddit: What do you find to be the differenec between dating men and dating women?"

Illusive Flirting

"Girl here."

"You can literally walk up to any guy and flirt with them, and they will be so f**king stoked."

"I could hold up a giant flashing neon sign saying that I am flirting, and the woman I'm flirting with will just take it as a friendly compliment. Even in a gay bar. Flirting with women is a mystery to me."

- AnorhiDemarche

"Also a girl here:"

"I can be all up in a girl’s face sharing shots and smoke, and it still would not register as flirting for either of us (but we both meant it to be)."

"On the other hand, a guy invites me to a group event where everyone knows each other. I’m overthinking if he meant it platonically or romantically (it was- at the time- platonic)."

- IcedKatte

Expiration Date

"As a bi gal who has dated many gender identities, I never thought I’d be The Clueless One when it comes to picking up on cues from other women. I was once hanging out with a group of friends, and one of them pulled me to the side and said, 'If you do not make an actual move on (insert female friend’s name here) at some point soon, she may expire.'"

"I’d been hanging out with said female friend for MONTHS and exchanging gifts, holding hands, cuddling, going on day dates, making art for each other, etc. To this day, I feel painfully airheaded that I didn’t pick up on her many, many cues nor realize that I actually did have a huge crush on her till that moment. When you’re both relatively shy in personalities, I guess that neon sign is really necessary."

- bigolebeak

Beautiful And Terrifying

"Flirting with women is more frightening to me, hahahahah. With men, it was always so easy, but with women, I felt more self-conscious."

- NoPlenty746

"I am so scared of women, oh my god, but they are beautiful."

- probablyMel

Action Aflame

"I always use the campfire analogy when it comes to describing sex with men versus sex with women."

"For women, you have to build that campfire like you're in the Boy Scouts, adding twigs, then sticks, and finally logs, and don't bump the water bucket with your elbow or it'll fall in and you'll never get the fire going. If you're careful and you do it right, you can get the fire roaring."

"For men, the campfire is already built, and some guy is just dumping lighter fluid all over it while another guy throws a match and screams, 'YEEEEHAWWW' as the biggest fireball you've ever seen is ignited. You get a little singed, but it's worth it."

- Bearwhale

Honestly?

"Men are easier to get into bed."

- cassienebula

"It takes literally no effort on Grindr to find someone that same evening."

- Countrycat24

"Same evening? Same hour."

- AdThat328

A Range Of Differences

"There are a few differences that I've noticed, at least in my experiences as a bisexual woman."

"Whenever I'm with women, either romantically or just hooking up, it's always softer and more sensual. The dates are more relaxed and the sex lasts longer and is seemingly softer. They take their time to get you to your peak and will always take care of you after the act is over."

"With men, there's more excitement definitely. Dates can range from getting dinner to going out and doing random activities. I don't have to worry as much about what I'm doing either as the ones I've encountered have been more 'go with the flow' types."

"When it comes to sex with men, it's always slightly faster, less emphasis on foreplay depending on who I'm with. It's always rougher too (which isn't a bad thing). There's not as much aftercare after the sex unless you're dating them."

"I have fun with both men and women despite the differences that I've noticed between the two. It's always something different depending on who you're with. Never truly a bad thing."

- Dagothead2

Wouldn't Hurt You To Say It

"I’m a guy. Men tell me I’m hot and compliment my body in specific ways. I don’t think a woman has ever said a nice thing about my body, at least not to my face."

"I’ve always assumed that I was just not that physically attractive, but I think it’s women just don’t think we need to hear it, or they think it’ll go to our heads and we’ll find someone more attractive or something. The most women will say is something like, 'You’re so big and strong.' Yeah, so is a trash compactor."

- tangnapalm

Hard To Find The Time

"I'm bi with a preference for women and am also active in the kink scene. My friends thought I was primarily into dudes because they've never seen me with a woman, lol (laughing out loud)."

"In my experience, men just kind of line up and you can pick one on your work break for later. Securing a date with women requires actually getting to know one another. I 100% understand why they'd need to know you better before wanting to go out; I ain't complaining."

"But practically, I'm so busy with my job and am fairly lackadaisical about dating, I just don't devote the time. The result is 100% male dates for the last several years, lol (laughing out loud)."

- Sleepwalks

Contentment Vs. Ease

"I’m still rather new to the whole bi thing, but differences are noticeable for me at least."

"For one, I’ve had far more success bedding men than women. On the other hand, sex with men for me, while fun, doesn’t quite make me happy or content. I’m leaning more towards women when it comes to sexual preference, so that could be why."

"Hanging out and dating are similar in many aspects, but men usually give more direct signs of what they want, as opposed to women who are diplomatic, playing nice, having expectations (like men approaching them first), etc."

"It’s very taxing, to be honest, and I would love to date a girl who can clearly communicate things to me. As opposed to them, most of the guys I’ve had business with can be such drama queens, which I find annoying."

- theArbiter21208

Honor the Tension

"Everybody wants to get laid and be loved. Generally, Men behave with more urgency about sex, and women start from hesitation. Speed and timing are everything."

"When men are attracted, they feel an almost immediate acute focus on locking down the sex. Women tend to want to savor those little morsels and give their desire more time to charge. That extra time lag for women is for (a) building desire and (b) overcoming anxiety."

"Those men will take you home and be in and out in minutes. Women will ravish you for several hours, heck, even days. Look at the porn they consume. The average man spends seven minutes on PornHub. Lesbians will eagerly sit through two full seasons of sexual tension and yearning on TV and then obsess over smutty fanfic about it for years."

"On top of the pace of desire, there are also barriers to overcome. Sex is more vulnerable for most women, so they guard it more and feel comfortable exchanging emotions for free. Emotions are more vulnerable for men, so they guard that more while their sex is cheap. So they each start with what’s easier for them, keeping the connection going while assessing whether they’re game for the other thing. Of course, it doesn’t always happen that way in clear-cut sequential order, but that’s the underlying trend."

"Hetero couples are constantly compromising and negotiating that to a greater extent than homo couples do. Homo couples will tend to exaggerate each other’s tendencies. That’s why Grindr is like instant sex delivery and lesbians are always grumbling that 'No one makes a move on this app.'"

"This doesn’t mean that men want sex and women want emotion. It means that peak moments for sexual desire happen on different timelines. Peak moments for emotional attachment happen on different timelines."

- Suitable_Picture5926

The Emotional Spectrum

"This is obviously not an every-case scenario thing, but I tend to have issues with women being very emotionally dependent (which isn’t great for my mental health), and then men tend to be the opposite and will even make fun of me for having slight emotions."

- Grumstrum

Emotionally Unavailable

"From a queer woman:"

"Women are much, much more demanding of emotional intelligence and intimacy on average. Dating women is how I learned I have a disorganized attachment style and am fairly emotionally unavailable."

"The men I’ve dated never pushed my capacity enough to notice but it became a huge issue when dating women."

- awholed**ngarden

Situation-Dependent Role

"In general when I’m around/interacting with other women, even just friends/acquaintances, I automatically take on a more dominant and masculine energy. I even notice I tend to use a deeper more monotone voice with women vs men that’s very unintentional."

"Men are opposite, I always feel more submissive energy-wise, like I allow them to take the lead sexually. Personally, I like this more; it’s less work for me mentally and emotionally to not be the dominant presence, although I do feel like I’m more dominant and assertive in nature."

"I don’t know if any of that made any sense."

- sofiaababe

The Real Difference

"Straight Men tend to fetishize bisexuality, and gay women tend to judge bisexuality."

"Luckily, either with age and/or societal change, both of those things seem to be less common, at least in my area."

- Artistic_Purpose1225

"As a bisexual man, I’ve noticed that men, in general, are more accepting of bisexuality than women are. That being said, my wife of 5 years has been incredibly supportive of my sexuality."

- TheRealRoadtoad

Sharing Responsibilities

"Dating women means I never had to worry about emotional connection. It is very easy with women (at least for me). The sexual connection needed a lot of time though and it gets frustrating at times. Also, one more thing that irritated me was that most women don't say clear Yes/No and speak very diplomatically."

"I also had to take the lead most of the time, which got a bit taxing mentally."

"Dating men was easier on the sexual part, but connecting with men emotionally is way tougher, even though I'm a man myself. I shared the lead 50-50 here so that was good."

"Currently dating a woman who says Yes and No clearly, is emotionally open, gives gifts, makes plans, and I am loving it."

- Optimal_Web4442

This was an eye-opening conversation about how a person's role can shift based on the people they're surrounded by, how they value themselves, and even how they perceive love and sex.

The most important thing to understand is which relationships feel the most fulfilling and ultimately to try to stay true to that.