If it wasn't for our inner voices warning us about various life predicaments, who knows where we'd end up?
When a salesperson for a product works their charm to persuade us, our instincts may tell us not to rush into purchasing due to the suspicious quality of the product.
When a prospective date shows up in person and they just don't match the impression you got during the online interaction, your gut is telling you to back away.
But sometimes, the warning signs don't come from you.
Strangers online weighed in with their experiences about being tipped off when Redditor asked:
"What is the biggest red flag you have come across?"
These Redditors discuss polyamory and how it may or may not apply to them.
About Unfaithfulness
"Used polyamory as a scape goat for cheating."
– Helix_On_The_Hill
"I have a friend who claims to be poly. Then she confessed to me that she and her partner hadn't had sex in over a year, supposedly because her prescription meds lowered her libido - so she declared to him she was asexual. Partner just apparently went with it. Last year we went on a group trip overseas, and she immediately f'ked a stranger she met. She told her partner, which made him pretty upset (and he didn't do anything about it other than bottle it up), and that caused some tension during the trip."
"She then explained to me that it's okay to be poly and at the same time refuse to have sex with your primary partner. She offered a compromise to her partner that she would see a sex therapist."
"I ended up biting my tongue (this person reacts badly to getting feedback) and lost a lot of respect for them as a friend, because of the way she treated her partner when it came to sex."
– monkeychasedweasel
Common Strategy
"My Ex used the 'poly so I can cheat' strategy twice because she was disinterested in me. I would go into more detail but I’ve mostly chalked it up to a learning experience, moved on and mostly forgot about it."
"The other thing is that I can be a very clingy person and that’s why the strategy was so effective."
– Helix_On_The_Hill
Updating Your Significant Other
"I decided I'm poly and we're in an open relationship, sorry I didn't tell you until after I cheated".
– anon
"I'm poly. Every once and a while (really only ever seen it online), I'll hear about someone 'coming out' to their partner as poly. Grosses me the hell out."
– petrasdc
Full Transparency
"I would figure that's something you'd mention pretty early on to a potential new partner. Not go 'This isn't what it looks like!' In the middle of things."
– Mike7676
Anger issue is all the rage.
Tipping Point
"I've said it here before on my old account, the biggest red flag is quick to anger. If their default emotion is anger, that's unhealthy. I'm talking about snapping over the smallest mistakes/things. Over the top anger reactions. Any volatile reactions that do not match the situation are huge red flags."
– Practical_Reindeer23
Relationship On The Rocks
"My partner got angry with me while I was having a moment of big overstimulation when we were at a concert, because I physically could not communicate (sometimes that freeze mode really takes hold) and he was trying to get me to leave, as his way of 'fixing' the situation. I at least shook my head no, because I was waiting on the band I wanted to see play, I just couldn’t physically vocalize. I was definitely very tense and was dealing with a lot of ticks, which isn’t normally how I get, but I was trying to handle it on my own, using tapping techniques and things. He got angry that I didn’t do as he wanted and that I didn’t vocalize a response, 'it’s not that hard when someone asks a question for you to answer.'"
"We’ve been together for 7 years and have gone through a roller coaster of changes/self development. But I exploded once I ended up giving in to his wants and leaving the venue."
"I don’t feel supported or listened to or validated, ever. Everything outside of his mindset doesn’t matter to him so why bother discussing anything."
"I hate it here."
– Virtual-Moment-9132
As if first dates weren't already nerve-wracking.
Dating Nature Boy
"The guy would ONLY go on dates in the woods at night. I’m not even kidding. I’d suggest a movie night or a restaurant I wanted to try but it was shut down immediately because he only did dates in the woods. Worst part is I went on 3 of them before I cut him off."
– PixelatedBats
Flashing Warning Sign
"I made out with a guy on a party. He told me 'I have to warn you: I'm really an a**hole.' I was pretty taken aback, then thanked him for the warning and avoided him for the rest of the night."
– skanus_cepelinai
Having Strict Parents
"She asked her mother for permission to eat meat. A 30 year old with a full time job."
– yumsilly
"I had a coworker who had a family tracking app on her phone, but it was her parents tracking her. She was 25."
"She thought it was normal or not a big deal. Her mom would flip out if she did something like go shopping at lunch or spend too much time at the gym."
"Apparently, her mom was super paranoid she was secretly dating 'inferior' men and not the ones she was trying to set up for her daughter."
– ohlookahipster
Year ago I met a guy who was super sweet at work, and there seemed to be a mutual attraction.
However, I didn't jump to pursue anything with him, especially after I found out through a mutual friend that we had conflicting interests.
He was into Nazi uniforms and paraphernalia.
I gradually started disassociating with him because I didn't need that in my life.
It just goes to show, you never really know about a person, even if everything else seems perfect about him.
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