Nothing says true love like making your significant other pay to spend time with you.
Reddit user aitaboyfriend2 has been spending more and more time together with his slightly younger girlfriend in his apartment.
When he noticed his utilities bill getting a little higher, he began asking her for money on a per/night basis.
As you might imagine, his girlfriend didn't care for this arrangement and her friends are now encouraging her to break off the relationship. But the boyfriend can't understand what he did wrong.
He visited the popular subreddit "Am I The A**hole?" (AITA) to see whether he made a mistake.
He told his story in a post titled "AITA for making my gf pay to sleepover?"
"I (28 M[ale]) have been with my girlfriend (22 F[emale]) for about a year now and things have been going really well up until recently. We live in separate apartments and were spending about one night a week together at my place, but recently it has turned into three or four nights a week."
"Now, don't get me wrong... I love having my girlfriend sleepover and I could even see us living together one day... However, when I asked her to start paying $24 each night she stays over, she got really upset. I explained that all of my utility bills have gone up significantly since she started staying over more and that $24 for one night in an $1800/mo apartment is a great deal. Heck, I wish I got to live in my apartment for that little."
"Anyway, her and her friends think I'm being unreasonable and her friends are telling her to dump me. I really love her and don't want to lose her, but I'm afraid of ending up in a relationship where bills aren't split equally and I don't want to be with someone who just sees me as a meal ticket. I think it's reasonable to ask her to help pay for things now that she's spending more time at my place, but maybe I'm wrong... AITA?"
"Tl;dr: AITA for telling my gf she has to pay $24 each night she sleeps over in my $1800/mo apartment since her presence has increased my utility bills and she's using my apartment almost as much as I am?"
Now it was time for Reddit to weigh in.
AITA is place where Redditors ask anonymous strangers on the internet to decide where guilt belongs by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH - No A**holes Here
From almost all of Reddit, the answer was a resounding YES.
"YTA. She's a guest. If you feel it's becoming a semi-permanent situation that you would like to become a permanent situation, then suggest THAT. I can't even imagine how offended she was by her boyfriend asking her to pay a nightly fee to stay at his place." -emptypges
Several people were more than aware of the age gap between the pair.
"Just another shocking scenario where the person with the age gap is trying to take advantage of the younger partner. YTA." -Lucy_in_the_sky_0
No wonder OP was still single.
"There's a reason he's dating a woman who's just out of college and he's approaching 30. Sometimes age differences work. It really depends on the emotional maturity of both people in the relationship."
"However, whenever I see a dude who's 5+ years older than the girl he is dating on AITA and complains that she has "freaked out on him" for doing something that was, 'in his opinion reasonable,' and that something is usually ridiculously controlling or immature, I'm not surprised and I always hope she breaks up with him."
"Usually the older dude in these relationships is ridiculously immature. It's why they keep dating 22 year old women and then get confused when these women get mad or break up with them." -UtopianLibrary
It's also important to remember the girlfriend is still paying rent on her own apartment!
"Backpacking to add: Solve the equal bill splitting problem when y'all move in together. Not before. When y'all love in the same appartement y'all can both contribute equally to rent. As of now, she's paying all her bills - rent, utilities, internet, etc. - plus contributing to your rent, right? It sounds like you're the one who's a 'meal ticket,' OP." -frozentoess2
Even the most generous people on Reddit let OP know he'd better shape up.
"You eat the costs of having her stay at your place in return for her company, affection, time, love, sex and whatever else, you are choosing to be with her and unless you want to move in together, suck it up. YTA, good luck finding any girl that would be cool with how you are treating her in this situation bro." -boxinthesky
There were lots of compromises OP could have considered before jumping to a nightly rent.
"I mean, if she's having insanely long showers or something to the point that his utilities are a lot higher, OP could have also suggested she bring over groceries once or twice a week to make dinner together, or do something else to help out."
"Asking her to move in would also cut the rent in half, since they live together half of the time anyways. OP is literally asking her for $300-400/month though, which just comes across as a weird money grab from someone who is also already paying rent in her own place" -certified_mom_friend
It's hard to believe this boyfriend thought he was giving his girlfriend a "great deal."
"YTA. Are you kidding me? You sound paranoid as all hell that a woman is going to end up dependent on you, and it makes you seem very insecure that your gf might view you as just a "meal ticket". Don't you have other redeeming qualities? You need to work those feelings out, with your gf or possibly a therapist."
"As pointed out by others, your gf also has her own apartment to afford. It's not a 'great deal' to pay $24 to stay over at your own boyfriend's apartment in any world. Ask her to chip in for meals/food that she eats at your place if you feel that you are currently spending more on food for joint meals than she is. It's a much more reasonable request." -paddlesandchalk
It's time OP figure out what's really important to him.
"You have two, well... three options. 1) You could have her move in and split bills. 2) You could start splitting time at her apartment. Or 3) You could break up, because you're clearly more concerned about the financial aspects of a relationship. You found a fourth worse option and picked that one."
"The fact that you explained how staying in a $1800/mo apartment is a great deal is probably the most offensive part. The fact you think she should be grateful for that is nuts. Have you ever been in a relationship before? Also, it's not that great of a deal. It's only 6 dollars less than what she would pay for rent per day if she actually lived there. On top of the rent she's paying at her own place." -C_Miller_2012
It looks like this relationship might not have been meant to be. Hopefully OP learns from this situation and fixes his mistake the next time around.
The book Couples Money: What Every Couple Should Know about Money and Relationships is available here.
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