Dating life can be really stressful and full of tough decisions. When a relationship ends, it's hard to know if things could go better a second time if both people learned something from their mistakes during round one.
But at other times, it's very clear that the relationship ended for a reason.
Cringing, Redditor Current-Newt asked:
"Have you ever gotten back with an ex? How did it turn out for you two?"
Better Off As Friends
"Yes, I got back with my ex after a year apart. It started off great, but we quickly fell into old patterns. In the end, we realized we were better off as friends."
- slaygalxo
"That totally makes sense. Sometimes the space apart makes things feel fresh again, but those old habits sneak back in."
- JadeMystic_fate
Better With Age
"I re-dated three different ex-girlfriends from high school through post-college. I’ve been married to one of the high school exes for over 15 years."
- bad_robot_monkey
"You are a responsible citizen with your recycling habits."
- fallway
A Valuable Lesson
"Yes, I dated her again because I wasn't ready to give up on her, but after nine more months, nothing had changed, and the love I had for her faded. I don't regret it; it taught me what I needed to learn."
- HalfSoul30
A Fair Point
"It depends on why it ended. If you amicably ended it because you were going to study or work too far apart, sure, why not?"
"But if you split because one of you was unhappy with the relationship or you were incompatible for some reason, I'm unsure how it could go differently that second time."
- I-own-a-shovel
Maybe Just... Don't?
"Don't do it."
- Ashleighdebbie92
"I agree. It's never the same the second time around, and this is rarely a positive thing."
- drunkenDAYlewis
"I was actually super scared by how quickly I just fell into my 'old' self and role."
"I was certain that I had matured and changed as a human being over those eight years we were apart, but holy f**k, not even one hour in, and it felt like I had been transported eight years back in time. The same thought patterns, the same ways of speaking, the same ways of moving, etc. Scary stuff..."
- Wpgaard
Better To Be Safe
"Yes, I tried, and I now have a restraining order against him."
- veil-mystique
"Me too, I have a restraining order against her."
- See-Phor
A Reset Button
"Me and my wife (unmarried at the time) broke up briefly. On Friday, I said we needed time apart, and come Sunday morning, I made the call for her to move out."
"We had been together for four and a half years at that point but sharply declining for a year. We talked on the phone to clarify it was over."
"When she came to collect her belongings, we spent several hours hashing it out. She didn't move out. We hit the reset button and now we've been married for more than seven years with kids. We are doing better now than pre-kids."
- hamiltron7
"Glad to hear you found success. I've been in a back-and-forth for a long time, and I've never simultaneously felt so in love, desperate, or defeated. I'm really glad it worked out for you, my dude."
- Ulrich_b
"Thanks, man. My previous relationship was similar to yours—stretches of the absolute highest of highs, the funnest and funniest of times. I still haven't met a girl with a presence like her. But man, if she wasn't happy, nobody could be happy. She would burn the world down to get what she wants."
"I left that and found the consistency needed for the long haul."
- hamiltron7
Best Friends For Never
"Yeah, we didn’t speak for a couple of months. Did the no-contact thing. She popped up here and there during that time, once in a Zoom meeting for an organization we were both a part of."
"Then she registered for an event we were putting together before we broke up. She showed up, and I was kind to her. She brought my things with her and then came over to my house unannounced afterward."
"She asked to hook up, and with a lot of reluctance, I gave in."
"We slowly started the relationship back up over the next couple of months. A lot of the hurt, pain, and resentment was still very present. We tried to act like it wasn’t there, but it was."
"We split ways a week ago. It sucks, she was literally my best friend."
- bristolbulldog
The Grass Wasn't Greener
"I got dumped. He just really wasn't into me and thought the grass was greener."
"We got back together because I wasn't pursuing him; we stayed friends and hung out, but I just got on with life without him."
"He quickly realized I was actually awesome and groveled."
"A decade later, we have beautiful kids, and he drives me insane, but he's great! If your ex doesn't appreciate you, don't waste your time. Enjoy life and find someone who's on your wavelength."
- Ok_Sandwich3162
"I love this for you."
- Lollipoprotein
Different Mindsets
"I don't know you but you do deserve better, at the lease she must also want to be with you as much as you want to be with her."
"You are setting up an imbalance that you will never recover from. You want her, but she may be, at best, willing to be with you because she doesn't have anything better right now."
"She is never going to change, and it will be a life of continually meeting whatever demands she makes in order for you to stick around. Until she finds something she wants more, then she is gone."
- monkeykahn
Forgetting The Bad Stuff
"Don't do it. The problem is that you are fixated on the good stuff and are ignoring/forgetting the bad stuff, which leads to the breakup."
"You thought you were happy once, and that's what you remember and want. But something along the way pushed you two apart, even if it was one-sided. That doesn't change."
- ClownfishSoup
A Bad Cycle
"Oh boy, getting back with an ex is like trying to reheat pizza—sometimes it’s amazing, but more often, it’s a little sad and soggy."
"I did get back with an ex once, thinking we’d evolved or something. Spoiler alert: we hadn’t!"
"It turned into a cycle of old arguments and me questioning my life choices over a pint of ice cream. So, lesson learned! Sometimes it’s better to just let the past stay in the past—unless we’re talking about pizza, then reheat away!"
- WrapFresh9248
A Love Story
"Yes, we tried again. We're happily married now, and have been together for 21 years."
"Our case is a little out of the ordinary, though. I was fresh back from Iraq with a bunch of undiagnosed mental health issues. I started having panic attacks, didn't know what they were, and just assumed I needed some sort of change in my life."
"So we broke up, I moved out, moved back in with my dad two states away."
"But we stayed in touch, constantly, and back home it started to be apparent that what was wrong wasn't us, it was me. Severe PTSD, anxiety, depression. The whole bag."
"We were apart for a year, and neither of us dated anyone else in that time. We talked constantly, we were raiding together in WOW (World of Warcraft) still."
"We eventually just realized that it was dumb. We still loved each other very much, and it was going to be a long road to getting my head right, but she was strong and dedicated enough to help."
"So I moved back."
"She's the best thing that's ever happened to me."
- SergeantIndie
A Question Everyone Should Be Asking First
"The real question is, what work have you both done to think getting back together is a good idea? Have the changes been made?"
- fdsaqwer
"OP, please take this one to heart. People so rarely change in the way you'd like or need. Yourself included."
- basemodel
A Great Metaphor
"It's like trying to reheat french fries in a microwave."
- XPN1971
"OP needs to find an old relationship air fryer."
- Progressivecavity
"Great analogy. The truth, though, is every ex will reach out at some point (in my experience). It might be a couple of weeks, months, or years. But it will happen."
"The correct response, which I normally do, is to hit delete. But, sometimes, you go through with it, and it's like finding some leftover pizza when you're drunk. The important part of that analogy is you still regret everything in the morning."
- CarmenxXxWaldo
As tempting as it might be to try again with a former partner, at least in most cases, the people involved have not grown and changed enough or in the ways that the other person needs, so the relationship is better off being left alone.
Though there are beautiful exceptions, sometimes it's better to let the relationship end and, over time, remember the good times and leave the bad ones behind.
@IrnaEnglish/X
