No relationship is perfect, and dating life can get messy at times, but there are things that we can do to make the whole experience easier and more enjoyable.
From setting the right expectations to how we communicate, there are many ways we can make the situation better for ourselves and for our partners.
Taking notes, Redditor GothGirlGamerr asked:
"What's a common dating mistake you think people should avoid?"
Trending Tricks
"Getting dating advice or 'standards' from what TikTok tells them."
"'If he/she isn't (blank) or has (blank) move on.'"
"Or people who learn 'tests' from there and do it to their so 'if you say (usually something toxic) and they don't respond like (blank) they are usually cheating.'"
"Blows my mind how much people actually do this. Not even teens but twenties or thirties."
- RipAgile1088
"A friend of mine just had his girlfriend leave him after two years together because of something she saw on TikTok, we work on a ship together, came home after his tour, found his gear packed and she said that she watched a TikTok that made her realize she deserves better."
"Better? She was a single mom and he took her little boy in like his own, paid for her apartment rental, and bought her a car so she’d be able to get around. I was absolutely flabbergasted by it all."
- caper900
"Tik Tok has become the new 'Cosmo Magazine' for dating advice."
- nondescriptmelon
Realistic Expectations
"Don’t date for potential. Date for reality."
"People who date for potential will be forever stuck trying to change their partner. Those who date their partners for who they are can definitely still change and help them but have already accepted them for who they are."
- throwaway45423434
Be Genuine From The Beginning
"Not being yourself. If you’re weird, be weird. If you’re an over-the-top romantic, be over-the-top romantic."
"Don’t 'test the waters.' You’ll end up in a much happier relationship than if you slowly show them the real you only to find out they aren’t into it."
- N0TMotivated
Go At The Right Pace
"Avoid rushing into things too quickly. It’s easy to get caught up in the excitement and want to dive in headfirst. Taking time to really get to know someone helps build a solid foundation."
- stellalikesnerds
"I would add that matching the pace of the other person so long as you're both comfortable with that pace is equally important. Some people want to move faster than others. If you're dating someone and they turn out not to be what you thought, it hurts the same."
- Fearstruk
Incompatibility Lasts
"The biggest mistake I've seen guys and girls make is trying to make it work with someone who is incompatible, especially with their sex drive."
- Primae_Nocta
"Holy crap, that's so true to me. I spent a lot of time with someone who didn't really want to spend time with me that much, and I figured it was hopeless only after 5 years. That was pretty recent, and I'm still getting over it, but I don't plan on trying to make it work again."
- OCafeeiro
Just Be Real
"Playing games. The whole 'I want to talk to them, but they should call/message me first.' If you want to call, call. If you want to text/message, message them."
"Don't expect them to read your mind or play by some rules you have made up and not communicated to them. It'll just leave everyone feeling frustrated."
- Unsuitable-Fox
"I have a few friends in their 30s who are still doing this, and I'm always trying to tell them it does more harm than good."
"One always justifies it by saying she was always taught the man should be the one to chase her, and all that has brought her is some narcissistic exes. We're working on it though and I'm hopeful for her!"
- leftstumpy
Quiet Your Mind
"I mean... Overthinking things??"
- DarkBayos
"I see what you did there."
- Dirty_Harry
"YES, overthinking puts so many negative thoughts in your head. All of these things simply won't exist in reality."
- intlPixel
Me Time
"Make sure to have time for yourself. It's good to be alone sometimes. That's important no matter how long you're together."
"Also, don't ditch your friends because you have a girlfriend or boyfriend. It's okay to have your own friend group and it's good to hang out with them on your own. Your partner will understand, and if they don't, that's a red flag."
- DrRumdumcabbage
Comparison Games
"Don't compare the person you're currently dating with your ex(es). Most of the time, it's inappropriate and hurtful."
- TattooedCoffeeAddict
"YES. When it occasionally comes up and I frame it in terms of what I've learned from past relationships, like 'I learned I want to be with someone who is okay with my religion' or 'I learned I need to be better about defining the relationship,' and then you carry that information into a new relationship to help it succeed, I think that's one of the very, very, VERY few exceptions to this rule."
- Babel_Triumphant
Make Sure You're Ready
"Being sure that you have moved on from your ex before dating someone new. I have a work colleague who broke up with her long-term partner."
"She started dating others so she could move on from her ex, but all the people she had dated weren't good enough for her and she was constantly comparing her dates to her ex."
"She realized later on that it was disrespectful of her and unfair on the guys, and shouldn't have dated when she hasn't completely let go of her ex."
- Moon_Jewel90
It's Not All About You
"If you're going into those first few dates constantly thinking, 'Do they like me?,' shift that thinking to, 'Do I like THEM?'"
"Many people get so caught up in trying to impress and be liked and don’t realize they don’t even LIKE the person in front of them."
- Ill_Cover_4841
Two-Way Street
"To not ask any questions about the other person. Some people just talk about themselves and don't ask a single question of their date!"
- postabanana
"I went on a date where the guy described in excruciating step-by-step detail the process for rehabbing the transmission on his truck. I’m not at all mechanically inclined, but after an hour with him, I think it’s possible I could take apart a transmission."
- 2020_really_sucks_
Have Clear Intentions
"Not being straightforward about your intentions. If you don’t want anything serious, make sure to tell the other person! Don’t waste anyone’s time or cause heartbreak. Don’t string someone along and make them question why they aren’t good enough."
- esp4me
"Decide if committed relationships are important to you. Like, more important than partying and doing whatever you want all the time. A relationship comes with tradeoffs. Refusing to accept that and making your partner feel like they’re 'controlling' for having boundaries is super hurtful."
- Vegetable-Fan8429
Child-Free Should Date Child-Free
"Dating someone who doesn’t want kids when you want kids. This is a non-negotiable deal breaker but people really do ignore it in their early twenties because the person who wants kids is happy to wait but eventually, they get older and have to break up over it. Save yourself the time and heartbreak."
- MouseKingMan
Follow The Relationship, Not The Rules
"You don't have to follow the 'rules.'"
"Call them the next day. Have sex that night if you're both down bad. Invite them to meet your mother/family after a month if things are going well. Take your time if you need it."
"Every relationship is nuanced. There are no set rules. The 'rules' are antiquated bs excuses designed by people who are afraid of being vulnerable."
"Be. F**king. Vulnerable."
"And you might have to try a lot more than the people who are closed off. That is okay. And you might have to pick yourself up off the floor more often. That is okay."
"Because you will eventually find a person who everything feels natural with and the reward will be so much better than anything someone who followed the 'rules' will ever feel."
"And communicate. Absolutely communicate."
- BeefInGR
These tips offer the important reminder that not all relationships are the same, and that also some people will find certain approaches appropriate while others will not. The most important thing is to be yourself and to follow the flow of the relationship, rather than to force yourself and the relationship to be something you're not.
@sama/X
