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Evangelical Christian can't get enough of conservative Jesus—the judgy one—so they want to put him everywhere: on Starbucks cups, in schools and even in the 'ween.
Yes, you read that correctly.
Halloween, also known as All Hallow's Eve—the precursor to All Saints Day on November 1—is not hallowed enough for the likes of some Evangelical Christians.
Instead, they would prefer to transform the holiday into "JesusWeen."
Meanwhile, as advertisements started showing up on city buses and making their way across North America, people couldn't help but notice something a little too hilarious about the name "JesusWeen."
\u2026I beg your pardon???pic.twitter.com/uH7V03lnKg— Trey Ferguson (@Trey Ferguson) 1633964453
This reminds me of a billboard on the way to Memphis in Arkansas that says \u201cIS HE IN YOU?\u201d And it\u2019s about the holy spirit lmaoooohttps://twitter.com/pastortrey05/status/1447577953337057284\u00a0\u2026— Aaron \ud83c\udff3\ufe0f\u200d\ud83c\udf08 (@Aaron \ud83c\udff3\ufe0f\u200d\ud83c\udf08) 1634103023
Ohhhh so that\u2019s what this photo was about https://twitter.com/pastortrey05/status/1447577953337057284\u00a0\u2026pic.twitter.com/pqseMnsZEX— katie (@katie) 1634098260
The divine phallus is canon.https://twitter.com/PastorTrey05/status/1447577953337057284\u00a0\u2026— Teacher Lingua Ready, Set, Bake! \ud83c\udff3\ufe0f\u200d\ud83c\udf08 \ud83d\udd96 (@Teacher Lingua Ready, Set, Bake! \ud83c\udff3\ufe0f\u200d\ud83c\udf08 \ud83d\udd96) 1634087456
The specifically hilarious piece of the puzzle comes from the word "Ween."
Halloween means "Saints' evening" (Hallow + e'en). However, in arguing for JesusWeen, organizers have incorrectly interpreted "Ween" as one word.
"The dictionary meaning of Ween is to believe and think," wrote organizers.
"We therefore see October 31st as a day to expect a gift of salvation by receiving the Gospel of our lord Jesus."
However, Twitter is more struck by the Urban Dictionary definition of "Ween," which is slang for penis.
The Holy Weenerhttps://twitter.com/PastorTrey05/status/1447577953337057284\u00a0\u2026— T'challa Head Cha La (@T'challa Head Cha La) 1634082989
Depends. What\u2019s he packin\u2019?https://twitter.com/pastortrey05/status/1447577953337057284\u00a0\u2026— rsmallbone \u270a\ud83c\udffc\u270a\ud83c\udffd\u270a\ud83c\udfff (@rsmallbone \u270a\ud83c\udffc\u270a\ud83c\udffd\u270a\ud83c\udfff) 1634088085
The evangelicals have stamina. I will give them that.https://twitter.com/PastorTrey05/status/1447577953337057284\u00a0\u2026— SB (@SB) 1634086237
Push the little Jesus until He comes (back) uphttps://twitter.com/PastorTrey05/status/1447577953337057284\u00a0\u2026— Suriel (@Suriel) 1634079086
the illustrious Jesus Penishttps://twitter.com/PastorTrey05/status/1447577953337057284\u00a0\u2026— river~ (@river~) 1634076672
Another puzzling aspect of this story is that the word "Hallowe'en" is of Christian origin. The holiday was largely co-opted from folk customs and pagan rituals from around the British Isles.
The Gaelic festival of Samhain, the mark of the end of the warm and light season and the beginning of the cold and dark season, starts on October 31 as well.
The Celts believed Samhain was an opportunity for the veil between our world and the "Otherworld," the Celtic land of the dead and various entities, to blur. As such, Celts sought to appease angry spirits with "treats," aka food and drink.
With Christianity's introduction, All Hallows'—also called All Saints'—Day and All Hallows' Eve were made replacements while maintaining some of the original celebrations' traditions.
Christians already stole Samhain from the Celtic Gaels and erased it of any cultural meaning to what you now know as Halloween.\n\nApparently they forgot about that erasure and are trying to steal it again from themselves.\n\nReject modern colonized tradition, restore culture.https://twitter.com/PastorTrey05/status/1447577953337057284\u00a0\u2026— Grey Crimes but spooky \ud83c\udff3\ufe0f\u200d\u26a7\ufe0f (@Grey Crimes but spooky \ud83c\udff3\ufe0f\u200d\u26a7\ufe0f) 1634075928
Are\u2026 are Christians trying to appropriate a holiday they already appropriated?https://twitter.com/pastortrey05/status/1447577953337057284\u00a0\u2026— Prideceratops (@Prideceratops) 1634075048
I\u2019m begging for Christians to actually know what they\u2019re talking about bc it\u2019s embarrassing for an agnostic like me to have to point out that All Hallows\u2019 Eve is very much a thing they can celebratehttps://twitter.com/pastortrey05/status/1447577953337057284\u00a0\u2026— \ud83d\udc8e (@\ud83d\udc8e) 1634073498
JesusWeen, for when you really want the lord in ya.https://twitter.com/pastortrey05/status/1447577953337057284\u00a0\u2026— PandasaurusRex (@PandasaurusRex) 1634075214
Lol what? Keep Jesus' ween far away from me, thanks.https://twitter.com/PastorTrey05/status/1447577953337057284\u00a0\u2026— Hal-loween Jordan (@Hal-loween Jordan) 1634121022
Still, Pastor Paul Ade, who is spearheading the movement, has not done the research or made the connections.
"I think it's an activity that doesn't have anything to do with Christians," he said to Gawker.
"Halloween is not consistent with the Christian faith. Many people say they feel uncomfortable on that day. We think people should choose an alternative activity."
And the alternate activity he's suggesting?
Celebrate JesusWeen.
Whatever that might mean to you.....or to Jesus.